It has been said that to truly know a man you must sleep in his bed and eat at his table. That he can hide himself otherwise. But I have always believed a man's kiss is the clue to who he really is -- how forceful, decisive, thoughtful, weak, shy, or kind. A kiss is a very personal stamp and in my vault of kisses the memory of one or two men stands out. The energy passed back and forth between two people in a kiss can change your feelings entirely about one another. A marvelous date where ideas are exchanged, or you've played tennis or in some wonderful inexplicable way touched one another can be wiped out by a wet sloppy kiss. All the things one wants on the surface in a man: looks, brains, wealth, have utterly no relevance if the kinetic life force does not work.
I find this very upsetting and yet true. All that should matter doesn't if you are not touched by the kiss. A man you may have felt was dull, boring can simply kiss those thoughts away. And that is right. The kiss is a truer validation of the goodness, brightness or better rightness of one being for another. A kiss has made me want to see someone again, someone who had not interested me by his conversation, or hobbies. I had been fooled by the outer man; the kiss was the true man and he was someone interesting.
As a woman I have kissed men I liked, as an actress I have kissed men I didn't like -- some who were gay, some who were happily married -- and always the kiss revealed the power, or strength, or weakness.
Is it instinct or learned? My son at two years old possessed instinct. He came to me and said, "I give Mommy a red kiss," and planted a kiss directly on my mouth. He then warned me not to wipe it off and toddled back to his cars and trucks. The instinct to kiss a woman when she's not expecting it, to make it interesting (red, no less) and then to be strong about it (don't wipe it off) was a great gift of his love.
His father has given me blue, pink, orange, and purple kisses as well as vacuum kisses and silly kisses. All in all, kissing is my favorite hobby.