Big G: Knock! knock!
Little D: Who’s there?
Big G: Donald, it’s me, God.
Little D: Jesus wept!
Big G: Exactly, Donald, exactly. It’s why I’m here.
Little D: Well I’m really busy right now. I’ve got very big things...a lot of big things going on right now.
Big G: Yes I know.
Little D: So you’ve been hearing what they’re saying about me? Excellent!
Big G: Well, yes and no.
Little D: Like I said, I’m kind of in the middle of some things. Can you come back?
Big G: Well, that has always been the rumor but the fact is I’m back already, Donald. Never left. And I’ve seen everything. And I do mean Everything.
Little D: Oh crap. So you know about the Russian ‘thing’?
Big G: Donald, everybody knows about the Russian thing.
Little D: Ouch! What about the Golden showers thing?
Big G: That too.
Little D: Oh damn. And whole Fake News strategy?
Big G: Of course.
Little D: So, um what can I do for you”?
Big G: Do for me? That’s kind of the problem, Donald. You do know that I’m God and you do know that you didn’t really win the popular vote, right? And remember, it’s not all about you and what you’ve been doing sure as hell isn’t anything to do with me (pun intended).
Little D: If I may interrupt you, I mean have you seen the crowd sizes? If you just check Twitter...Ok you were saying?
Big G: It seems you and your friends have confused yourself with me and my ‘agenda’. So the first thing I want you to do is stop using my name for things that go against the essence of everything I’ve ever said. And Donald, how bout if you stop putting your name on everything? It’s just a little...well, tacky. And it makes you look, well... small.
Little D: No offense of course, but I think you’re wrong about that. Really. People think it’s terrific. Have you been to Trump Towers? But anyway, you wanted to talk with me about something? It’s not the wall is it? Because it is going to be fantastic. Huge. And I’m pretty sure I can get still Mexico to cough up the Pesos.
Big G: Donald, Donald, Donald. Where do I start? Yes of course it’s the wall. It’s also the degradation of women and non-whites, the inciting of conflict and encouraging violence against people of color, of my beautiful rainbow children, it’s about refusal to care for the sick, to have compassion for the weak and now with this for profit killing spree. It’s just too much. Even for me. And one more thing. I need you and your friends to stop invoking prayers every time you’re in the middle of a business transaction that harms people ok?
Donald? Ok?
Little D: But you told me to come here and..
Big G: And what Donald?
Little D: To make a difference and bring people together.
Big G: Yes, that’s right. And in a strange way you have done just that. I’ve seen people gathering in great numbers in the streets who’ve never looked at one another before. And that is the good part. But there’s more coming and it’s about to step up “bigly” and you’re going to need to be ready.”
Little D: What do you mean?
Big G: I mean that from this point on Donald, people are going to start waking up as if someone put 1000 watt bulbs in their bedroom lamps (and that would be me btw). It’s already started to happen these last few months. But in the coming weeks and months, those you have bullied and intimidated will begin to see even more clearly. And the more people awaken the more you will find yourself in the minority. People in politics who never seemed likely candidates will spontaneously—and almost magically—become courageous. They will no longer capitulate to fear and manipulation. So I need to warn you Donald, their awakening will be your nightmare and as their hearts open to one another, this next chapter is going to be a pretty rough ride for you.
Little D: But, I thought I was special. I thought I had a “mission”.
Big G: Donald, you are special. Nobody will ever disagree on that. The truth is there needed to be someone who could reflect back to others the ugliness of sanctimonious self-interest. And Donald, of anyone who has raised their hands in the last couple centuries, you’ve played the role magnificently.
Little D: Really? So can you like, write that in the sky or something?
Big G: Really?
Now, put your helmet on, my son and hang on cause you’re about to be on the other end of a divine ass kicking.
Little D: So, you’re not joking?
Big G: Just because I started this conversation with “knock knock” doesn’t mean there’s a funny punch line. That’s why I sent John Stewart and Jimmy Kimmel. And just one other thing Donald, I’m not really white. So you need to get over that shit.
Molly Secours is a writer/filmmaker/speaker who is currently directing and co-producing a feature documentary film with actor, Bill Murray and Hall Of Famer, Wade Boggs titled: “Scouting For Diamonds:The Invisible Heroes Of Baseball.” www.mollysecours.com