Huma Abedin has borne scandal well. God bless her, she stood stoic and stony-faced, but she never broke in public. But I for one am grateful that she's finally dropped the humiliation and pain of being Anthony Weiner's chump.
I know a few things about being a chump, Huma. And I'm here to tell you, life is so much better on the other side of this crazy -- the sex "addiction," the blameshifting, the begging, the couples' therapy, being the sole investor in that whole save-the-marriage campaign, his genuine imitation Naugahyde remorse, the second, third, and fifteenth chances...
Thank God you laid that burden down. Now some advice as you navigate the next few months of separation - don't take that crazy back.
I think I join most of the reading public in armchair diagnosing Anthony Weiner as a flaming narcissist. As you sit there in gobsmacked disbelief that He Could Do This Again, believe it. That's who he is. Someone who has done the cost-benefit analysis on what he wants (sexting busty strangers) versus your well-being. And it's Weiner for the win every time. Chances are this guy is not going to rise to the occasion (forgive the pun) and be a classy guy to divorce.
Some chump-to-champ pointers.
1.) Protect yourself. You've just thrown a harpoon at this guy's ego. He's not going to like it. Expect the three channels - rage, charm, and self-pity. They're all ploys to get you to be his chump again.
Maintain no contact, except business-like emails (dated and time-stamped for court) about your child and finances. Better yet, send them via your attorney. No contact is the path to truth and light. Get your head clear and avoid the pitfalls of manipulation.
2.) Don't untangle the skein of effupedness. You're going to spend a lot of energy wondering How He Could Be This Way. Don't go there. He's this way because he can be. Because he feels entitled. You can call it an addiction or an empty elevator shaft where his soul should be, it doesn't matter. The only question is to ask yourself - is this relationship acceptable to me? Is it acceptable that he breaks his promises, disrespects and humiliates you, and sexts strangers while lying next to his toddler son in bed?
Every time you go down the rabbit hole of His Issues, you're expending energy that would be better spent on you and your child. You're giving him centrality. (Narcissists love that!)
You've got a lot of challenges here. Untangling crazy isn't one of them.
3.) Embrace your new life. It's going to hurt like a mofo for awhile, but there's a better life on the other side of this infidelity nightmare. It's a warm, sane place of peace that I call "Meh" (otherwise known as acceptance).
I applaud your devotion to doing what's best for your son, but remember you don't control Anthony Weiner. You only control you. "Devoted" fathers don't break up their marriages with sexting scandals. They don't ignore their cuddling toddlers to talk dirty to strangers. I know you're still coming to grips with Anthony Weiner not being the life partner you thought he was. He's probably not going to be the parent you thought he was either, but that's okay. You just need one sane, together parent (some people never even get that) - and that's you. You get to raise your child with your values. You get to model resiliency and self-respect. You will enjoy all the intimacy that comes from being an involved, loving parent.
Let the narcissist chase down buxom Republicans or whatever it is he values - you just won a new, better life. Congratulations and hugs from one former chump to another.
Tracy Schorn is the author of "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life" (Running Press, Hachette). She also runs the advice blog Chump Lady.