Each month, Cosmopolitan Magazine, the premier magazine for the best lady advice in the history of our planet (including female dinosaurs), has outdone itself this month with their informative how-to "So...You Want to Star in a Sex Tape?", which caught my eye because well, I just love ellipses.
Here's the lead:
"Filming a XXX flick can be as fun as it is hot... but it could also end up on-line. If you do decide to do it on camera, follow our advice to ensure it never comes back to haunt you. "
When I was a slut, I was free to experiment and make mistakes without the fear that it would be recorded and end up as late-night-at-home viewing for some guy in his Cincinnati basement. I'm not sure who would want to masturbate to me having sex with a plastic surgeon resident who falls asleep on top of me mid-coitus, but I bet there's someone.
Even at my sluttiest, sex tapes were risqué to me . First of all, I can barely stand the sight of my naked body post shower, so I can't imagine how I'd feel about seeing it getting jostled around. I never want the reality portrayed in a video recording to ruin my lovely memories of being plowed into. I' m certain I'm not alone on this. Secondly, I like to be back lit, so try and find decent lights to make that happen last minute. It's impossible.
According to my brain, there are only two types of ladies who are into sex tapes - those who aren't into sex tapes but do them as a favor to their boyfriend (or girlfriend!) and those who use sex tapes as career launching pads. I fall into the former. No, the latter. Whichever one means the first one, then, yup, that's me.
Which means Cosmo is writing articles for a third type of woman who is into sex tapes. A segment of the lady population that is very small, underrepresented, and probably non-existent, who exhibit the following characteristics:
- (hearts) sex tapes
- Are comfortable with their bodies (also probably addicted to some sort of MAO inhibitor)
- Understand the risks of video taping anything in the era of easy uploading ,viral videos and people loving to spank it. **
- Are not interested in a reality show
If this describes you, hooray! You don't mind getting all naked and jostled about, but are too shy to get the recognition for it. This article could be a pretty good resource for you.
But chances are, you don't need it, whomever you are.
(whisper) 'cause we'll never know (/whisper)
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