I'm about to debunk two popular misconceptions about men
Misconception one: Most men date carelessly like they don't give two fucks and therefore most men don't know what they want in a woman.
This can't be farther from the truth. Most men date carelessly because they know precisely what they want in a woman and they are willing to go through as many women as it takes for them to find it.
Misconception two: Men are impatient
This is absolutely, grossly incorrect.
Men are the most patient beings when it comes to finding the right woman. A man would take his time picking from the litter as if God made all the women in the world for his sole pleasure. He'll never settle for less or compromise on his standards (settling and compromising on standards are just things us gals do because we think we're 'running out of time'. In adolescence you want your man to be tall, good-looking, God fearing, wealthy, kind hearted, funny, a good listener, love you to pieces and the list just goes on and on and until you become a teenager. Then you become a teenager. You're still a bit 'idealistic' so you only edit your list a just little bit within reason. Then you become an "adult". You start getting wiser and therefore more 'realistic' so you start telling yourself it's okay if he's just tall, good looking, fears God, has money and loves you to pieces. Then you become a full grown, blossoming woman and, with no prospects in the horizon, you start negotiating with yourself like "okay maybe he doesn't have to be tall. It's not like there are any tall guys in my life anyway. I'll just manage good-looking, has a stable job and God fearing". And that's how the standards keep decreasing with each passing year until eventually you have no standards whatsoever and all you want is a man who breaths air. Pathetic)
Men know that dating as freely as possible is the easiest way to find the right fit. They know a big secret that most ladies know as well but try to ignore; dating is a numbers game.
That's the real reason a lot of girls marry men who are much older than them. Those guys were busy sampling and analysing every available fish in the sea so that when they finally meet The One, The Keeper, they know exactly what she looks like and they go straight for her
Meanwhile we ladies just see a man who's willing to put a ring on it and bam!! He becomes The One. No thought to our own happiness. We just manage to be relatively happy and that's good enough
I know a lot of girls who started dating guys they met within the first semester of higher institution.
Those couples stayed together throughout our university years and even past graduation. They posted engagement pictures on every social media platform available shortly after graduating and, before you said jack, they were married.
Now, I'm all for people finding the loves of their lives. But seriously?
When you're that young, how can you think you've found "the one?"
I don't know about you girls but with each passing year of this decade, my personality has changed drastically.
To think about committing to any of the guys I've dated within my short period in the dating world would be a laughable joke.
My interests, values, goals and even my attitude have all gone through major metamorphosis. So much so, I wouldn't recognise the person I was as early as last year.
Like a squishy worm that has blossomed into a rad butterfly of an adult, my transition is unmistakable and apparent.
During the phases of my maturity, I've dated guys at similar stages. To consider being with the same person going through similar changes seems preposterous to me.
How can you even guarantee the butterfly you grow into is going to like or even love the partner you settled for when you were still an idiotic, squishy worm?
I could give you a hundred reasons why dating like a man is the best way to be happy and to find the perfect fit for you, but here are four good reasons to date like a man.
1. You know what you want.
Despite popular opinions and perceptions, most girls in their 20s already know who they want for themselves. It just so happens that most of us are in such a hurry to "settle down" that we don't bother to take the time, much like men do, to find that person
The idea of getting settling down before age 30 would be preposterous to most guys. Bring it up in a conversation and watch him look at you like you just hut him upside the head with a baseball bat.
That's because he's still in the process of finding out whether you're the one or not. Why can't women do the same? Why do we feel that once we're getting close to 30 then it's all downhill from there?
Most guys aren't ready for serious relationships until they've figured out their careers, made plans to buy a house and dated practically every girl of their fantasy. Ladies, believe me, THAT is how to date. Like a man. Like you don't give a single shit. That's how to be happy.
2. Men aren't the only ones who need to go a little crazy.
You know those women who have only ever had one relationship in their entire lives? Who marry the first men that asked? Well I'm thinking they have got to be a little curious about what else is out there, right?
I think there is something to be said for experiencing the single life.
Erm, I'm not saying you have to where around or anything like that girl I'm just saying you gotta accumulate stories, experiences and memories worth sharing over meals with your girls in the future. Those moments are beyond priceless.
3. There's something to be said for maturity
Men wait till they're All grown and mature before tying themselves at the hip to another human for life. Why shouldn't we do the same?
Not to say I have anything against early marriage (although I really do), but have you noticed that whenever early marriage is talked about it really doesn't mean both spouses married early? Most of the time it means the girl married early but then she married a MAN. Which means he took his time to sample for as long as he wanted and finally picked one when he was good and ready. This guarantees that he'll be mature and stable in his marriage. Good for him. Because marriage beings tough times and it takes maturity among other things to get through those times.
The stakes get higher with each passing year of our lives. Things go wrong no matter how much we pray against that. It's just life.
Business gets tough. Jobs get scared. Rent doesn't magically get paid and bills don't go away. Men know this because they take their time planning and scheming. This is one of the reasons relationships are tougher on women. We don't give ourselves time to mature.
A relationship that can weather the storms despite hardships shows you are a good fit for each other in the long run.
Unless you've built that strong, mature foundation in your early 20s like most men do, it might be a lot harder to weather the storms later in life.
4. Men know this: Dating is fun
Truth is that there's a whole world of attractive, interesting and really good people out there.
They're smart, they're fun, they're crazy, they're quirky, they're curious, they're nice and they will teach you and show you things you could never imagine.
How else would you meet people who have different interests from yours, who would open your eyes to a whole new world if you never jump in and test the water?
this post first appeared on Queen Ogbaje Blog