#ladiesstories: You are worthy and enough

Tanya Markul: Self-Help Poet, inspirational teacher & creator of ThugUnicorn.com & TheUrbanHowl.com
Tanya Markul: Self-Help Poet, inspirational teacher & creator of ThugUnicorn.com & TheUrbanHowl.com

Ladies’ Stories: Celebrating & connecting women one life lesson at a time.

This week you get to meet Tanya Markul, Self-Help Poet, inspirational teacher & creator of ThugUnicorn.com & TheUrbanHowl.com. She shares her story of being betrayed:

“It's been a little over a year since I've experienced the biggest betrayal of my adult life — someone I co-created with, trusted & cared for for almost 4 years, stole my portion of our work & scoured my name from our project.

I say a lot, yet I've said almost nothing.

It's a dilemma, you see — to feel pain, but not share it for fear of being judged, misunderstood or having to face some sort of rebuttal.

But I'm not afraid. Not then, and certainly not now. I don't believe this is what this experience was about for me, being afraid that is, but becoming courageously strong, believing in myself, and taking a giant leap of faith {and looking into those parts of me that play small or too special, victim or hero, and where I’m controlling and where I am careless}. It’s been a move from immaturity to maturity, from fantasy to taking responsibility and action.

There are a million things that I could have done better, like doing something about the signs I saw and felt from the very start that made me pull back, I know this, but knowing that I handled the messiest bits with honesty about how I messed up, and honouring our agreement, was enough to pull me through with a sprinkle of powerful, transformative grace.

Betrayal and the pain it births isn't something to be ashamed of — especially if we own up to the parts and fucked up pieces that contributed to the wreck. And, I’ve realized that the agonising sting of betrayal only happens when you've really cared for someone and got intimate with whatever you were creating — I spent years on this project, and it was all taken away from me in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. Some say it was a cowardly move for this person to do it in this way, and some tell me it was the biggest blessing in disguise.

It was, and it was.

I know now, there's a blossoming that comes after pain has served its time, and all its little tendrils that come back again and again to lick my face and punch my heart, are reminders that I've still got room to grow and space to become even better and more authentic in my artistry.

For me it wasn't about forgiving this person, in most ways I believe I already have and am truly grateful for our crossing and what I learned from them, but now it’s about what I’m going to do with this life-changing experience, not as a victim, but an empowered human being.

This betrayal is something I'm still healing from, and will continue to walk and share for days and years to come. Because I'm worthy of pain’s aftermath, it’s revelations, it’s reflection of my inner shit and muck, of healing, of a higher reality, love and a higher self-worth — and so are you.”

What is your advice for others who have experienced betrayl?

“It is to not be afraid to sit in the deepest, darkest part of the pain the betrayal has brought you. To not be afraid to understand and connect with how you called this transformative experience into your life and how it can serve you in a higher, more nourishing way. To not fear the empowerment that comes with being betrayed as it carries you from naivety to wisdom, from immaturity to maturity, and from inexperienced to great change. Do not fear this person or waste energy hating or disliking them, or even trying to understand what can’t be understood. Trust what is happening, and like Gabrielle Bernstein says, “the Universe has your back”. Believe it. Cut cords as often as you need to, and you don’t need to forgive and forget, but keep walking away and remembering who YOU are. Do not let anyone or anything stop you. Just because it didn’t work in this way BELIEVE it will happen in another. You are worthy and enough and you’ve got what it takes to MOVE ON.”

Tanya Markul in a box

Female role model: To name a few: Ladybug Mecca, Mary Magdalene, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Sianna Sherman, Maranda Pleasant, Gabrielle Bernstein, and Madonna.

What does being woman mean to you: Being a daughter of Earth, mother & sister to all.

Best advice a woman ever gave you: To just be myself and believe in myself from the inside out.

Ladies, let’s connect globally! Nominate a wise women for me to interview or contribute to Ladies’ Stories by sharing your own story and life lesson. Submissions or questions email: info@karenpallisgaard.com

This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.