This year, Time Magazine selected a group of (mostly) women that they called “Silence Breakers”: as their Person of the Year. These women are responsible for an important cultural change by exposing many (mostly) male celebrities who used their positions of power to assault, rape, grope, harass, threaten and demean women. The Silence Breakers revealed how influential men who were often their bosses or colleagues committed gendered crimes and offenses against them. In many cases the horrific and frightening behavior was committed years or decades earlier.
The Silence Breakers were picked as the Person of the Year because their revelations led to the downfall of many powerful men, but more importantly sent a message that the obnoxious and often criminal behavior would no longer be hidden or tolerated. This is an important step towards providing women the opportunity to reach their full potential and will improve our society in many ways. This is a teachable moment with many lessons to be learned.
Women’s Reports of Abuse are Reliable: Some of the reports have been vigorously contested, but a review of the large number of reports involving powerful celebrities demonstrates that at least a very large majority are true. Many of the reports were admitted by the offenders. Others have resulted in significant financial settlements, resignations and firings. In many of the cases other victims have told of abuse by the same assailant after the first woman came forward. And in most of the cases the victims made contemporaneous reports to friends and family.
The reports come in a context where men are given more credibility than women. When women speak, the listener is often focused on her appearance, dress or body parts which distract from the merits of what she is saying. Their credibility is undermined by stereotypes like the scorned or vindictive woman and the belief that men are of more value than women. All of these mistaken assumptions lead us to the wrong conclusions. Indeed the well-supported belief that they would not be believed, especially when challenged by a powerful male celebrity is an important factor in keeping the crimes hidden so long. The Silence Breakers performed a valuable service because it is important to guard against disbelieving women who report gendered crimes and offenses.
Enormous Obstacles to Reporting Abuse: Some people who do not understand abuse or are trying to defend a perpetrator claim the delay in reporting sordid conduct is proof the reports are false. In reality the delay has no probative value because of the many factors that help silence victims. In some cases the victim has a credible fear for her life or safety. Most of the recent cases involved a powerful man in their industry or even their employer. Reporting the miscreant could cause them to lose their job or undermine their future career. Victims believed no one would believe them because they are unknown and he is powerful and often well respected in the industry. The abuser has a powerful platform to disseminate his message so that most of the information that goes public would likely favor the abuser. The offenders were also extremely wealthy so in any litigation they would have a huge advantage. The litigation is expensive so just like domestic violence custody cases the victims would often run out of money and have to proceed without an attorney. This is why tactics of threatening to sue the victim in order to silence them, as Trump used against the many women who reported his long history of abuse is so horrific.
Harm from Sexual Assault and Harassment far Greater than Previously Understood: Some of the crimes involved vicious sexual assaults, but many involved a pat on the bottom or other degrading behavior that caused little or no physical injuries. Trial courts and public opinion often wrongly assume that any harm is limited to the immediate physical injuries. The same mistake continues to be made in society’s response to domestic violence. DV advocates have said for years that the physical injuries are not the worst part of domestic violence. They have not been listened to, but recent scientific research based on the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Studies confirms their wisdom. Until recently research suggested the United States was spending $5-8 billion annually in medical costs caused by domestic violence. This calculation was limited to the cost of treating her immediate injuries. Research from the Academy on Violence and Abuse more realistically found the actual cost is $750 billion. Living with the fear and stress causes a lifetime of illness and harm. In other words society and the courts have been focused on just one percent of the harm. This serves to minimize the harm caused by domestic violence as it does for sexual assault and harassment. The consequences last a lifetime and cause many of the most dangerous diseases such as cancer, heart disease, diabetes, auto-immune diseases and mental illness. In other words, based on the enormous harm, these crimes should be taken far more seriously.
Tolerance of Sexual Assault and Harassment Hurts Everyone in the Community: Some of the actresses who reported abuse by Harvey Weinstein and others went on to have very successful careers, but we can be sure that other victims, many of whom we don’t know about never reached their full potential. Aside from the personal harm, this lost potential from virtually every sector of the economy creates a substantial drag on the economy. We don’t notice because this harmful behavior has been tolerated as long as anyone can remember. The $750 billion in extra health costs is shared by almost everyone in the form of higher taxes and health insurance premiums. If the advent of the Silence Breakers marks a fundamental reversal in the long tolerance of sexual assault and harassment, our country will see very substantial improvements in the economy, health issues and life expectancy over time.
Risk of Backlash from Male Supremacists: Men have gotten away with egregious behavior towards women for so long that many feel entitled to continue this privilege. When the future President bragged about being entitled to grab women’s most intimate body parts without consequence to him, he said out loud what many male supremacists believe but would not say publicly. This is what it means to oppose political correctness. Already we have seen the worst abusers and some of their political supporters seek to attack Silence Breakers and promote the lie that many of these reports are false. A blatant example of the backlash was a scheme to attack women who broke the silence about Roy Moore’s multiple assaults and abuses and the Washington Post that first broke the story. They sought to plant a false report of further abuse by Moore in the expectation it would be blindly accepted and reported. Instead the Post investigated the story and exposed the plot. Unwittingly, those supporting the abuser provided strong additional evidence that the reports of abuse are highly reliable. Male supremacist groups that like to call themselves “fathers’ rights” have been successful in manipulating family courts in order to undermine the work to prevent domestic violence. Years of falling DV homicide rates have been stopped and in some areas reversed because DV victims risk losing their children when they try to leave abusive fathers. Good people have to guard against the cruel tactics male supremacists will use to maintain what they believe is their entitlement to control women.
Silence Breakers Demonstrated Enormous Physical and Moral Courage: Our society tends to focus more on physical courage but moral courage is often harder because you have to live with the consequences. John F. Kennedy focused on moral courage in his Pulitzer Prize winning book, Profiles in Courage. There is an element of physical courage Silence Breakers demonstrated because some faced a credible risk of physical retaliation. All of the women faced potential attacks on their reputation and career. They had to speak about painful and embarrassing episodes that often are the worst moments in their lives. In a society that blames women for sexual experiences, they had to discuss assaults on the most private parts of their bodies and see the information spread across the media universe. The worst moment of their lives will be the lead paragraph of many of their obituaries. This is what they have to live with and will die with. And there are fools in this society who believe they make the reports lightly and enjoy the notoriety. Our society would be very different if everyone understood that nothing the men committed was remotely the fault of the women who served our country as Silence Breakers.
Family Courts Wrong Silence Breakers Every Day
In the family courts, the Silence Breakers are the mothers and children who find the courage to report domestic violence and child abuse. Like the heroines described in Time Magazine, protective mothers and their children face enormous obstacles to revealing the fathers’ [1]abuse. Silence Breakers need physical courage because leaving an abuser greatly increases the risk of lethality for mothers and children. They also need moral courage because of the many tactics abusers use to punish mothers for trying to leave. The most serious risk is that using widespread flawed practices, family courts often rule in favor of dangerous abusers. A pilot study led by Professor Joan Meier found that the courts are ruling in favor of fathers in over 70% of cases in which mothers report abuse. The Bala Study demonstrates that mothers involved in contested custody make deliberate false reports less than 2% of the time. This means the courts are making dangerous mistakes in a large majority of abuse cases.
One of the biggest obstacles Silence Breakers face is the widespread myth that women frequently make false reports of abuse. This myth is promoted by abusers and is part of the backlash tactics of male supremacists. A study for the National Institute of Justice found that judges, lawyers and evaluators without the needed knowledge about domestic violence tend to believe this myth and this leads to decisions that harm children. In other words when professionals or others focus on justifications for disbelieving Silence Breakers it tells us more about the ignorance of the disbelievers than the actual circumstances in the case.
Silence Breakers were honored by Time Magazine because of their courage, reliability and contributions to our country. This should serve to boost the credibility of women when they report abuse. Family courts should start viewing women and children who report abuse as Silence Breakers and take their reports seriously. This will help courts get a much higher percentage of abuse cases correct and prevent the needless suffering of children suffering from adverse childhood experiences. Family Courts must also stop practices used to silence women as that is an abuser and abusive tactic.
There is a good reason why Time Magazine did not honor the celebrities who sexually preyed on women. They didn’t honor the male supremacists who seek to create a backlash in order to tolerate men’s continued abuse of women. They didn’t honor the cottage industry of lawyers and mental health professionals that make large incomes by supporting approaches that favor abusers. They didn’t honor legislators that failed to require family courts to integrate current scientific research and require that the health and safety of children must be the first priority in all custody and visitation decisions. They didn’t honor authorities that routinely disbelieve women and children when they report abuse. All of these people are complicit in the silencing and suffering of victims. Time honored the Silence Breakers because they forced a dirty secret out of the shadows so good people can no longer hide their eyes. Thanks to the Silence Breakers we have reached a tipping point in which sexual assault and harassment can never be viewed as it once was just a few short months ago. First it was sexual assault in the military and on college campuses. Now it is sexual assault and harassment in the workplace. Next it must be the $750 billion we pay each year to tolerate domestic violence and the one-quarter of our children who are sexually abused before they can reach adulthood. We are not going back to the bad old days because the Silence Breakers won’t let us. They have earned every honor they receive.
[1] I am using gendered descriptions because domestic violence is a gendered crime and most abuse in the family is committed by fathers. I am aware there are exceptions that should be considered without creating a false equivalency.