Leave Me Alone

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Quit it! You'll make me mad if you don't stop doin' that.

You gonna just keep jabbering? Don't seem like it makes no difference what I say, you just keep goin' on. I'm tired listening to you!

No, I didn't forget. And quit reminding me. I've got 'em on right now. You think I'm stupid or something? I put 'em on every morning. Don't act like you're trying to be nice or something by reminding me. I just lost them that one time and that was one time and you're gonna keep reminding me the rest of my life? And yes I did sleep well, but what do you care? You used to toss and turn all night and keep me awake.

It's bad enough them ladies keep pokin' in here and asking how I'm doin'. "So, how are we doing this morning, Mr. Pierson?" Well, I don't know how we are doing. I know how I am doing, and it's none of your damn business. That one with the long hair is stupid. She needs to tie it up. She pats me down like I'm three years old and her hair gets in my mouth. They need to get rid of her. I wish they'd fire her. She thinks I'm some kind of little baby.

Yeah, I wish I hadn't been gone either, but what's done is done, and it can't be helped and it wasn't my fault. How's I to know? Don't blame me. Yes, you are. I know you are. You're thinking I left that time and knew what was happenin', but I didn't. I didn't know. And I was just gone for a bit. You don't have to say it because I know you're thinkin' it. Just leave me be.

And don't go trying to start talkin' nice to me now because it's too late. I don't want to hear it. You had your chance to be nice, but you, you... weren't. You weren't nice. I don't want to talk to you right now.

No, it's not here yet. It's early. Won't be here for another hour or so. I think they want to feed half the building before they get here. Stuff tastes like crap when it gets here anyway. Everything feels like white bread, feels like it's got mold and all on it.

That... that thing, that whatevertheycallit, they roll in here with all them meals stacked there and they deal 'em out like playing cards. Looks stupid. Why can't I have solid foods? Can't I eat a sandwich? Think I'm 90? Don't have no teeth?

Be quiet. I'm fine. Quit asking. What do you care? You'd be here if you cared. You wouldn't eat nothin' anyway.

I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't know. Yeah, I know you're not sayin' I did, I'm just sayin'...just in case you're sayin' I did, I'm sayin' I didn't.

No, Lainey won't be here until Friday. She has that work and all, and can't get away. It's important I guess. But, I'd like to see her... It would be good... but guess she can't get away. For a while she got by here more often. Maybe she doesn't like us as much anymore. Maybe we're no fun anymore. We can just raise her up and make her into this fine young woman and she don't have time to come by more'n once a week to say thank you? But she's busy with her work and all.

But if she'd just been here then maybe none of this woulda happened.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't've said that. I'm not mad at her, I'm just thinkin' I wish she'd come over more often. I wish she'd been here. All we got here now are these stupid women and they don't know nothin'. I'm just thinking that maybe she coulda helped in some way. I don't know, maybe. I know it could have happened anyway, I'm just sayin'...

But you still shouldn't've done that. I wouldn't have done that. I didn't want you to. I gotta tell you, it made me mad. You shouldn't've done it. I'm not blaming you. I'm not blaming you. I'm just sayin' you shouldn't've. If I'd been here, if Lainey had been here, maybe it would've been different.

You coulda worked harder yourself, too. It wasn't just me. You didn't have to do that stuff. You didn't have to...

Quit telling me that. Sittin' there and telling me you loved me. I know all that. But I don't care. I know it was hard. I still didn't want that.

Quit yelling. Stop yelling. I'm not deaf. I can hear what you're saying.

It just shouldn't have happened. You shouldn't have done it. I don't care if you would've been left like that. I don't care if you couldn't walk any more. I don't care if you couldn't talk any more. I don't care if you'd maybe have been in some kind of coma. I don't care if you'd never been able to look at me again. I don't care if I'd have to feed you every night. I don't care. I'd still have wanted you to be here. I'd still have wanted to sit here by this bed and hold onto your hand. I'd still want to talk to you, I'd still want to rub your arm, I'd still want to look at you. I'd still want to feel your hair. I'd still want you.

But you wouldn't let me. You said you loved me. You said you wanted to protect me, but goddamn it to hell you shouldn't have done it. You shouldn't've drank that stuff. You shouldn't've made it happen. And now I hate you. I love you, and I hate you, and I miss you. And I'm alone. Goddamn alone. And I wish I could die.

So shut up and leave me alone. The food's coming and it's awful, but I've got to eat it.