Leave Our Princesses Alone

...Is it just me, or does it look like Cinderella's been making pies outta that pumpkin carriage? ...More like "Beauty and the BEEF," know what I'm saying???
03/07/2013 04:55pm ET | Updated May 7, 2013
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HOLLYWOOD, CA - FEBRUARY 05: Actress Ashley Tisdale arrives at the premiere of Relativity Media's 'Safe Haven' at TCL Chinese Theatre on February 5, 2013 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

What if there were an evil queen who sat on high in her castle, blogging away about the bodies of our favorite princesses?

...That flabby-finned Ariel could stand to swim away from the all-you-can-eat seaweed buffet!

...Is it just me, or does it look like Cinderella's been making pies outta that pumpkin carriage?

...More like "Beauty and the BEEF," know what I'm saying???

Last week, posted a blog written by Trainer-to-Some-of-the-Stars, Harley Pasternak. It was called "Harley Pasternak Blogs About the Fit (And Not So Fit) Former Disney Stars."

In this post, he goes down an all-star firing squad of former Disney stars and essentially rates their fitness levels and lifestyles based on his expert opinion. Ashley Tisdale tops his list for one solid reason: She only eats one solid meal a day. But Christina Aguilera? "While she's definitely not grossly overweight, she doesn't look comfortable in her own skin." Well, phew. I'm sure if this superstar working mother had time to read this, she's be relieved to find out she's "not grossly overweight." I bet it's her new Twitter bio.

Let's note four important things about his chosen grouping:

1. All of the celebrities he mentions are women. What about Kyle Massey? Ryan Gosling? Billy Ray Cyrus? Hey Harley, they're not gonna judge themselves, you know.
2. Not only are they all women, but several of them have birthed children and/or publicly battled various forms of mental illness and/or eating disorders.
3. He has not worked with 7 out of the 10 stars on the list, so basically, he knows as much about their diet and exercise routines as I do... which is what I read in People.
4. Not a single one of them is clinically obese, much less even conversationally chubby.

To his credit, Mr. Pasternak quickly sent out a ten-tweet apology later that day, saying, "In no way, shape or form do I think that a woman's value is determined by her weight. I was not commenting on these women's worth."

So what was he commenting on?

My daughter watches a healthy dose of the Disney Channel. In fact, she has her own scientific method for rating its stars. They each fall into one of two categories: Sofia the First or Not Sofia the First. I'm totally good with this ranking scale. I do not need her thinking about who looks best in a bikini or who may or may not be in Olympic athlete shape. I prefer she not concern herself with liquid diets or genetics vs. metabolism rates at this time, and instead focus on how one adjusts from being just a girl in the village doing alright to becoming a princess overnight. Now that's something to blog about.

Leave our princesses alone.