The Big, Fat, Lesbian Gift Guide

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For girls who love girls who love gifts.

The Jock:


Clockwise from top left:

  • Water- and sweat-resistant headset by Sennheiser/Adidas stays in place during workouts thanks to adjustable ear clips. Kevlar-reinforced cables stand up to abuse while delivering high-quality sound. $59.99 at Best Buy.

  • Versatile wool camisole functions as a breathable top in yoga class or as a lightweight baselayer for outdoor activities. $60 at
  • Roux Maison Sports Detergent maintains the elasticity of lycra, spandex, water-proof, and other performance fabrics while eliminating stains and bacteria. Eco-friendly and made in the U.S.A. $16.99 at
  • Perfect for a gym locker, a small but mighty hair dryer and a luxe shampoo/conditioner/treatment travel set in a zippered pouch. Bed Head Mini Ceramic Dryer, $19.99 at Philip Kingsley Jet Sets, $34 at
  • Both utilitarian and elegant, STEAMCREAM is a gentle, natural body and face cream that comes in artist-designed reusable tins. The unique steam manufacturing process makes it highly absorbable, great for renewing skin that endures all kinds of elements. $18 at
  • The Lipstick Lesbian:


    Clockwise from top left:

    • A lipstick-shaped vibrator. Every femme should have one. $35 at Pure Romance.

  • Handmade clutch in art deco cotton fabric. $45 from BagBoy's Etsy shop.
  • An engraved locket necklace containing Chloé signature solid perfume. $60 at
  • A gift set of five mini lipsticks by Bite Beauty. Made of natural, food-grade ingredients, they're perfect for kissing. $25 at Sephora.
  • Why stop at lipstick? The LORAC Bejeweled Day & Night Jewelry Box is a makeup junkie's fix. Duos of eyeshadow and blush palettes, eyeliners, and lipglosses, plus a full-sized bronzer, all in a glittering lace jewelry box. $56 at Sephora.
  • The Butch:


    Clockwise from top left:

    • It's marketed to women and described by critics as "unisex," but Bottega Veneta Eau de Parfum is a distinctly, delectably butch fragrance. Warm and woodsy, with notes of leather, patchouli, and pink pepper, the scent is tough, sensual, and something of a chick magnet. $95 at Nordstrom.

  • Robe made from natural, pesticide-free organic cotton. Comes in five colors, all of which are preferable to her having to borrow your pink, fluffy bathrobe. $45.99 at
  • This leather bracelet by Cast of Vices was inspired by the paper ID bands doormen slap on your wrist at clubs and concerts. So rock 'n' roll. $70 at A+R.
  • For the utilitarian dyke, a soap that washes damn near everything. EO All Purpose Soap is a biodegradable cleaner that functions as a shower gel, shampoo, laundry detergent, dish soap, dog wash, and more. Comes in lavender, lemon, and peppermint. $8.24 to $11.99 at
  • Stainless steel flask in checkered pattern. Because a butch should always be able to buy a girl a drink, even when there's no bar for miles around. $16.95 at Crate&Barrel.
  • The Activist:


    Clockwise from top left:

    • The My Fair Lady gift set features seven natural bath products from eco-freindly brand LUSH. Includes a marzipan scented hand cream, fig soap, an almond and coconut "Shower Smoothie," and more. Best of all, $8.50 from every gift set is donated to grassroots charities fighting for animal rights and social and environmental justice. $59.95 at

  • Nothing quite says "I respect your commitment to protecting the environment" like a solar-powered vibrator. $34 at
  • All proceeds from the sale of these Legalize Gay t-shirts fund the non-profit Human Rights Campaign, dedicated to fighting for LGBT equality. $17 at
  • Pacifica solid perfumes are made from organic soy and coconut wax and scented with essential oils from sustainable sources. The perfumes can be worn alone or layered for custom fragrances. $9 for single solid perfumes, or $65 for a beautiful gift boxed set of the best selling scents.
  • People Towels are a sustainable, fashionable alternative to paper towels. Made of absorbent, quick-drying cotton, built for portability, and available in a variety of designs and patterns. $6.99 each, or $15.99 for the Woof Gift Set featured above.
  • Of course, I realize the lesbian community is much larger and more diverse than the four archetypes above, but those are the ones I'm shopping for this year, so...

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