What do you do when your wife’s best friend covets your life...and your wife? What do you do when your best friend betrays you? The anguish is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Luckily, my thoughts were interrupted by the shrill of my cell phone.
“Hey, mama. I’ve been going through it but I wanted to check on you.” After a devastating separation, I appreciated someone checking on me. You find out who your true friends are when you are going through rough times. We didn’t talk often but our conversations were always based in truth no matter how uncomfortable the content. She said,
“I read your last article, Lesbian or Thespian...Who Art Thou? and I was like, is she talking about me?” I laughed at her dramatic overture.
“Girl no, I’ve finally found my purpose through the power of the pen.” She exhaled.
“But let me ask you this, when did you know?” I knew what she was asking but I needed time to ponder the question. I said,
“Know what?” Her voice was hushed as she said,
“When did you know that her best friend became more than a friend?” My stomach turned.
“When she began to share her hopes and dreams with her best friend and not me. I knew when she said she needed space and all that space was consumed by her best friend. Hell, I thought I was her best friend. Where did that question come from.” She paused.
“I think we’re going through the same thing. She has this friend and I am not comfortable with their relationship. Their relationship is too intimate. My heart tells me that she would never cheat on me but my gut tells me something else.” I asked,
“What does your gut tell you?” She almost whispered.
“That they are more than friends. It feels like she is falling out of love with me. I am slowly losing her. I can’t explain it, but it’s the little things. Their conversations become less animated when I walk into the room. Like they don’t want to talk in front of me. I don’t know if they’ve slept together but something has happened. I feel it.” I cringed. I had not intended on having this conversation. I had finally come to a place of peace in grieving over my own separation.
“I'm so sorry that you’re going through this. Unfortunately, I can empathize. People don’t realize that an emotional affair opens the door to infidelity. It’s more painful because there is a deeper connection.” I barely finished before she interrupted me.
“I opened my home to this woman! I’ve cooked for her. My mother has cooked for her. I bought my wife hiking gear when they went hiking in the mountains. I had no reason not to trust her. She said that was her friend.” I asked,
“Have you talked to her about how their friendship makes you feel? If you can talk about it then you can work through anything. It may be uncomfortable but at least you will know where you stand.” We talked some more and I winced at the pain in my friend’s voice.
“What should I do?” She asked over, again and again. I couldn’t help but think back to my own experience. I remember telling my ex-wife that I felt I was being replaced as her best friend. Her response was unnerving.
“No one will ever replace you but she is my best friend, after you.” I remember being floored.”
“Your best friend? How is she your best friend? We just met her two years ago. You don’t even know her.” I relived those painful moments as I thought about the times her friend’s needs took precedence over mine. I thought of the times when our date nights or sleep was interrupted by a phone call. She said her friend was in crisis. I was furious.
“In crisis? You are not a therapist! I’m in crisis! We both have had an awful day and I haven’t talked to you all day. She can wait! Your friends are too damned needy! You don’t know how to create boundaries. It’s like you need people to need you.” I cried myself to sleep, knowing that was the moment I began to grieve the end of my marriage.
“Monika? What should I do?” My girlfriend’s voice snapped me back to reality.
“Listen, babe, you have to follow your gut instinct. Your wife allowed this. No one can cause discord in your relationship unless you or your spouse allows it. Whoever this person is, it sounds like she wants your life and your wife.” My eyebrows furrowed as I reminisced about the times my ex-wife’s friend gushed about our relationship.
“You guys give me hope. I want what you have.” I remember kissing my wife’s hand, not knowing that almost two years later, her friend’s wish would come true. My then-wife walked away from our family and married her best friend.
In retrospect, I should have heeded my own advice and followed my gut instinct. I should have created boundaries instead of suppressing my discomfort.
I once read that you cannot fill a space that is already occupied. As painful as it was, perhaps my ex-wife’s betrayal was a blessing in disguise. I smile at the thought of what and who God is preparing me for.
Monika M. Pickett is a veteran of the United States Army. Her debut novel, PRETTY BOY BLUE is available on Amazon. Pickett is an advocate and activist for the LGBTQ community. For more information on Monika M. Pickett, please visit www.MonikaMPickett.com. For other inquiries email info@MonikaMPickett.com.