When I was a child I thought my mother was superwoman, she always knew everything and had all the answers. When I was a teenager I couldn’t wait to move out and get far away from mother because, obviously I knew everything and parents were no longer needed after the age of 14, except for financial purposes. As a teenager I just knew that I had all the answers, of course none of them were correct answers. Today, as an adult woman I know with absolute certainty that mom is a mix of superwoman, combined with a touch of a woman who does not always have all the answers. The best part; she is not too afraid to admit that she does not have as many answers as I once thought. And that is what makes my mother and amazing mother, teacher, life guider, and friend.
When I take a step outside of myself to examine the woman whom I have become, I notice the strong influence that mom has had on my life. In my actions, my words, even in my crazy and somewhat chaotic thought process, I have grown into a younger version of my mother. While the 15-year-old teenager in me yells and screams in pure rebellion format, the young woman in me is pretty proud of what I have grown up to become.
The following lessons are only a small portion of what I have truly learned from my mother. Of course there are many more to add to the list however, I have found that the following seven lessons are lessons that carry me through each day, and give me the strength to stay strong on days when I feel I have nothing left to give.
To whom much is given, much is expected
My mother made sure I had a good education. Good grades were expected and college was not an option it was a requirement. My mother was proud to see me go to college. No matter what college I got into, I knew I could go. She would never look at me and say “I don’t have the money”. My mother didn’t have money in a college savings fund, but she knew the value in me attending college. She made it happen. For this she always reminds me, to whom much is given, much is expected. I have always been given an opportunity to preform at my highest potential, now it is my turn to inspire others to do the same. My mother expects me to keep growing on the opportunities that were given to me. My task is to not waste the sacrifices that others have made for me.
Show Gratitude and pay it forward
As a child I would frequently watch my mother go out of her way to help other people. Anyone could call her and ask her for a favor and she would do it, she would not only do it but she would go beyond what was even asked. No matter how tired, stressed, or overwhelmed she was, she would make sure she was available to help those who would ask. When I wondered why she would extend so much of herself to others, mom would then tell me countless stories of incidents when she needed help in one way or another and there was always someone there to help her. Whether it was someone who allowed her to stay at their home, cook her a meal, or just check in on her when she was having a bad day, someone was always there. So she would easily give back to them when they asked for help, she could never do enough to show her appreciation to whomever it was for being there in her time of need.
Whatever you do, do it well
I hate art. I am a really bad artist, and if anyone ever tells me to draw anything I spiral into a pre drawing anxiety attack. In elementary and junior high school, a lot of projects required some type of art accompaniment. Since I was so bad at art, my drawings, paintings, and projects were horrible if every form. For me to take it to school and turn it in like that was completely unacceptable for my mother. Since I hated art, I put no time into it, and threw something together that I hoped would get me at least a B grade. We would then spend hours working on projects until they looked presentable enough to leave the house, until it was good enough to show that your cared about something you created. Even if you despise the task, if you are going to do it, do it well. What you do is a representation of you. My mother taught me the value of doing my best, being proud of my work, and even if I hate it or it does not come naturally to me to keep working at it so at least it will look like it is a natural love or talent in the eyes of others. If you are going to take the time to do something, always make sure you do it well.
By knowing your past, you can work to improve your future
A few years ago I went for a Ph.D. interview at Columbia University. Before the interview my mother told me that I was standing on the shoulders of my ancestors. If it had not been for the struggles and fights of my ancestors, then I would not have the opportunities that I am given today. My mother always does her best to inform us of her past, and the past of our ancestors. Through her countless stories I have understanding and full appreciation of what my ancestors went through to make sure that I was able to live a life with endless opportunities. My mother would always tell my siblings and I stories of her childhood, the difficulties that her and her family went through, and how hard they worked to overcome the many obstacles of growing up black in the south. My mother continues to make sure that I never forget the trials and troubles of past generations so I can do better not only for my generation, but also for the generations that come after me.
How to excel in the world as a Black woman
To know how to exist in the world as a Black woman is not easy. It takes time, preparation, and modeling from elders, to learn how to define yourself as a Black woman. Other people will always want you to be who they think you should be, but you will not be comfortable with yourself until you truly know who you are. My mother was my first example of a Black woman, the ultimate role model. The woman who taught me how to act with pose and grace. No need to be the stereotype of an angry Black woman, because anger will get you never help you move forward. From watching the actions of my mother and by listening to her words, I have learned how to show strength in times of despair, how to prove my worth when others have doubted my abilities, and how to be confident in knowing that YES I am a smart Black woman who is also capable of changing the world.
Never give up on you
Mom never had the opportunity to go to college. A few years ago she decided to finally enroll in college and begin earning credits toward a college degree. Through her own self doubt of her intellectual abilities she decided to face college math, english, and philosophy head on. Mom took one class at a time and knew that she could pass each class if she just believed in herself. She struggled, and even cried but she found motivation by facing her dream and making her dream come true. Through it all she never gave up. Watching her go after her dream is tremendously inspirational. It is never too late, go after your dreams, and never give up.
Live your life
Starting from early childhood my mother has taught me the importance of living life. On weekends, my mother would take my siblings and I to Manhattan to experience museums, the zoo, and concerts in Central Park. She would take us out of our neighborhood in Queens so that we were aware that the world stretched far beyond the block we grew up on. I learned the importance of going outside the box, and stretching yourself beyond your comfort zone. Life is meant to be lived, it will not always be easy and it is not always comfortable, but it must be lived. I learned to desire more than what was in front of me. I learned that life is truly lived when we learn from our experiences, take risks, and find joy in exploring unknown possibilities.
My mother is a woman who carries herself with integrity and grace, she has never taken a life experience for granted, she embodies the true definition of strength. She does not give up and, she does her best encourage others to never give up on themselves. She understands that life is not perfect, but she has a spirit that motivates her to keep living her best life each day. A woman who has never been a taker, a woman who is an outstanding giver of herself, her time, her energy, a woman who will easily puts the needs of others before the needs of her herself. To be fortunate enough to emulate a woman who has excelled beyond measure as a wife, a mother, a friend, and an individual, exemplifies the true meaning of a blessing. I was given a mother who is not only a role model, but a leader for my life. A woman who very much without her knowledge provided me with gifts of influence and lessons of womanhood that I would have never embraced had it not been for her. Her valuable lessons have shown me how to not only live as a woman, but to live as a woman with integrity.