THE BLOG

Lessons Learned Through Divorce

Having been divorced, when first faced with the realization that life, as I knew it for 15 years, was over, I admit, I fell into the abyss. Then one day while hanging out with the Grim Reaper, it hit me -- I put myself into this abyss, not the divorce, and thus I decided to change my way of thinking.
11/16/2014 10:09pm ET | Updated January 15, 2015
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

The statistics are numbing -- 50 percent of marriages end in front of a judge. The Big D is not pretty and certainly takes its toll on all concerned, even the dog, but it still is not the doom and gloom that people portray. How is it that some people see it as the end of life and others see it as the beginning? I, myself, have seen it both ways.

Having been divorced, when first faced with the realization that life, as I knew it for 15 years, was over, I admit, I fell into the abyss. Then one day while hanging out with the Grim Reaper, it hit me -- I put myself into this abyss, not the divorce, and thus I decided to change my way of thinking.

I believe through all things lessons are learned, and divorce is no different. Your lessons might certainly be different from mine, but I would like to share my acquired insights on life and myself.

- Divorce does not define you; how you get through it does.
- Being your best doesn't mean being perfect.
- Turn your divorce into a beacon, not an abyss.
- You learn to love yourself more than you care or love the person who hurt you.
- People don't set your limits, you do.
- Get out of your own way.
- Rise each morning with hope and anticipation in your heart.
- Divorce can close you off. Stay open to see the miracles and remember, miracles don't always come with a marquee. They can be small but powerful.
- Trust your inner wisdom.
- Have your own purpose/passion.
- Do what makes you happy.
- Don't believe the naysayers and give up. Change does happen, but you create the change you want.
- Life is tough, but you're tougher.
- Get out of your comfort zone.
- Just because something worked five years ago doesn't mean it works now. Make room for new things.
- Focus on your strengths more than improving your weaknesses. As a Man Thinketh, don't get hung up on what you're not good at, stand strong in what you are good at.
- Let go of the outcome and enjoy the moment!

Every life post divorce starts with commitment. Ask yourself, "Am I fully in?" Are you saying you have moved on but are instead still holding on? The key is being brutally honest with yourself and choosing to change your perspective about this time in your life. Your thoughts create your life, good, bad or indifferent, so strive for the good!