Let Me Plan Your Facebook Going Away Party!

Do you or someone you know have plans to deactivate Facebook? Why not celebrate your momentous announcement on Facebook that you're deleting your Facebook account by being surrounded with friends and family who will slow clap when you inevitably reactivate your Facebook account? I'm here to help alleviate the stress that comes with planning a going away/deactivation party!

There's a lot of work that goes into planning a deactivation party. The first step is finding the right date and time for your party. Once we decide on a date and time that is flexible for people's various schedules, we'll make a Facebook event using Facebook!

A party isn't a party without guests! A great way to compile a guest list is through your Facebook friends. But be careful, you don't want to invite your entire friends list! Not only would that be expensive, but also uncomfortable. You want your party to be just the right level of fun -- a healthy dose of crazy but at the same time not a total snooze fest. Refrain from inviting the Facebook friend whose cover photo is a picture of their overwhelmingly modified Mitsubishi Eclipse garnished with a decal that says "Boner Donor" -- the police will raid your party within the first hour. Also abstain from inviting the person with the extremely zoomed in, pixilated profile photo from an office holiday party in 2007 -- unless you want to hear a lengthy story about how their interest in collecting antique spoons manifested during a middle school trip to a Renaissance Faire.

Now we must choose a location that is easily accessible for all the guests, somewhere no one will encounter any trouble getting to, so an indoor trampoline park on the other side of town or Area 51 are out of the question. Once we decide on the location, we'll add the address to the Facebook event page, which conveniently provides a map and directions!

The next to last step is providing food and drinks. If you choose a restaurant as your location, you needn't worry about food and drinks -- restaurants, more often than not, will serve food and drinks!

Well, that's as far as party prep goes. The final step is to announce that you're deactivating your Facebook! Because what's the point of deactivating Facebook and having a deactivation party if you're not going to announce it on Facebook? After you post a status that says something along the lines of, "Deactivating my Facebook for a while. If you want to reach me you can find me on Twitter or Instagram or Tumblr or email me at one of my six email addresses," or something like, "Gonna delete my Facebook for a bit even though we can't think about our media-inundated age in polarizing terms such as positive or negative because it's just the environment we've naturally evolved into," then you're ready to PAR-TAY!

The last step is to have fun! Enjoy being surrounded by your friends and family celebrating your deactivation with you, and if you keep your guests around long enough (no longer than a day or two) -- guess what! Your deactivation party will turn into a reactivation party!