Can we stop with the "open letters"? If you are a football great on the cusp of retirement and you write an open letter to thank the thousands, perhaps millions, of your fans, the open letter makes perfect sense. You are reaching a vast and wide audience in the best way possible. But the open letter addressed to just one person, like your ex husband or some political figure, is nothing more that shouting from the mountaintops to that one person so we all can hear you. Either they won't listen or you can just tell them yourself...in a real letter. Leave us out of it.
The worst, though, is the open letter to our past selves. The one where someone goes back in time and confronts their younger self armed with all their future experiences and wisdom. What's the point? People that experience divorce seem to think about their younger self quite a bit. Warning your younger self about the pitfalls of "adulting" is nothing more than telling them it's going to be hard. No kidding! It's an interesting idea, of course, because time travel is so stinking awesome. It's wasted energy.
- You have great kids to show for your failed marriage so it was all worth it. Or,
- Your failed marriage will make you a better person in the end. All of the experiences and challenges will shape who you are, and you will be a better and stronger person for it.
These two axioms aren't necessarily wrong, they're just obvious.
When you've invested years in a marriage that was a mistake to begin with or just failed over time, it's easy to think you may have wasted precious, prime years of your life. That can be a hard pill to swallow for sure. It's medicine you don't need.
First of all, since it's impossible to go back in time and avert disaster or change our destiny, let's look at another option that's equally impossible. Suppose you could go back in time and never get married, but still keep your great kids. Impossible? Yes, but so is the open letter to your past self anyway. If you could press a magic button, keep your kids, acquire all of life's wisdom, and avoid the misery of a divorce, would you hit that button? I would in a heartbeat.
The problem with advising our younger selves on life is that it forces us to process our past and contemplate our lives in a way that is totally impossible and very unfair; it's unfair to the 25 year-old you and 47 year-old you. Here is the reality: none of that stuff matters anymore. Move on and don't think twice about it because the only life you really have is the one you are living at the moment, so you better live there and not where your younger self lives. I understand that is easier said than done sometimes, but it's sure easier than time travel. Besides, you'll most likely never figure it all out anyway.
Memories blur and fade. Nostalgia makes many memories better than they really were to begin with and tricks us into thinking we were happier than we are now. Anger and resentment sometimes makes us dwell on the unpleasant. Either way, when we look back at our past we are missing the present. I'm not saying that a certain song won't make you cry, or that driving past an old familiar taco joint won't make you smile, that's all great. Memories are not our enemies as long as we keep them real.
Like that old NFL quarterback that is listed as "day to day" on the injury report, we are all day to day in the sense that tomorrow holds no guarantees for any of us. Today counts. Yesterday can't be changed. It's easy to chose to live for today, count your blessings, and be happy. That's the only thing our former selves need to know. That and buy Apple stock.
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