Letter from a Pit Bull

To Leaders and shareholders of: The Insurance Industry
The Pharmaceutical Industry
The Credit Card a/ka/ Banking Industry
The United States Government


I won't start with the trite and obligatory denials of pervasive beliefs surrounding pit bulls. Regardless of what we do with our world-famous jaws and teeth -- just to focus on the positive for a moment -- we are also recognized for our intelligence and incisive ability to learn (forgive the pun). So, even though I despise your business practices and dream of locking on to your ankles and upward with wild abandon, my sharp mind tells me that anger and hatred will not win the day.

I recognize your desire and right to make a profit. I also recognize the very human trait, which tilts toward abuse of power and greed -- and here I had to stretch because dogs don't do that. Well, maybe we do get greedy on the food front, but I think that falls more in the ass-kissing category. In any case, I do think that making money is a good thing; even a great thing. But, it doesn't have to be at the expense of all else. Sometimes less is more, yes, even in the case of money. You tell me:

Do you really need gold-plated toilets?

Is it really worth $3,000 to attend a private Prince concert? And will those extra few hundred K's really add so much to Prince's quality of life? Will that allow him more time to be more spiritual?

Think about it, does that 20,000-square-foot, 20 million dollar house bring you joy or just impress your friends, and provide more surface for dust? And how much joy does it bring you if you can't breathe? Say you have an upper respiratory tract infection that has you strapped to your bed with tubes in your arms, and that you die...

When is enough enough?

The answer is never.

Most people with lots of money can tell you that. So, rather than chase a dream that will never leave you quite as satisfied as you'd like, why not enjoy the spoils of hard work and wealth without spoiling the lives of others?

Some might think I'm trying to appeal to your heart, but I'm not. I know you don't have a heart. But you are smart and you are greedy. Why not be greedy for satisfaction that can be achieved? Continue to make sound business policy that will fill your pockets to bursting, and then rest a little. Relax, there's plenty to go around. Allowing the pleasure of others won't take away from yours. Go ahead, try it. It can only make you feel good, which is the end-goal, no?

I am also chomping at the bits to let loose on the politicians running for president of the United States. You are hereby cc'd on my letter to those blockheads, re-printed below:

BLINDED-BY-GREED leaders of the above-noted industries need to SEE. Be creative. Think new thoughts. Understand that they need to earn over-the-top amounts of money. This is what makes them breathe the air we all take for granted, so help them to earn it. And then find a way to make them realize that they can take a break. That they won't die.

Don't use words like regulation. You're not dealing with "industries," you're dealing with people. Give them hope that they can have joy. And then maybe they'll give people a break.

If you can't come up with anything better than the drivel we've heard so far, we will rise up and bite you. Hard.