Diary of a Fat Life Coach

In a nutshell, I call bullshit on excuses for a living. And I'm pretty damned good at it. So how come I can't do the same for myself?
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
CKO Kickboxing Carroll Gardens

As a life coach, my job is to help people on the brink of something extraordinary get out of their own way and chase down their dreams. I've helped my clients launch new businesses, publish their first books, negotiate massive career leaps, adventure the world, and so much more. The people I work with are, quite simply, badasses.

In a nutshell, I call bullshit on excuses for a living. And I'm pretty damned good at it. So how come I can't do the same for myself?

Confession: I am a fat life coach.

There is an unimaginable amount of guilt and shame that comes along with admitting this about myself. Not because I think life coaches should be skinny. Not because I feel like I should be thinner. Not even because I can't stand to step on a scale.

It's not the more-than-few extra pounds that are upsetting; it's the EXCUSES.

As a solopreneur, there is always something I could be doing to grow my business. Marketing. Networking. Tending to my community. Following up with prospects. Finding speaking gigs. Writing. It truly never ends. And even though I am now have 100 percent control over how I set my own schedule, I somehow "never have enough time" to get off my duff and take care of myself.

Now if I were coaching the person who said this above, I would say, "How long are you going to stick to that story?"

And even though I tell my clients to put down the bricks of guilt they are carrying around so they can stay productive, I am toting my guilt with me everywhere I go. I constantly feel guilty about the fact that despite fantastic professional and personal success, my health and fitness continues to sit idly at the bottom of the priority list. I'm The Audacity Coach, for crying out loud!

The realization that I've been making these kinds of excuses for years is absolutely humiliating. I strive to be a shining example of excuse-free living so to truly walk my talk, I need to take massive action. But the prospect of becoming a gym rat and subsisting on kale chips and green smoothies makes my skin crawl. I needed to find something truly badass that would challenge and inspire me. Something that I'd never done before.

Enter: kickboxing.

I went to my first class over six weeks ago and I'm hooked. Each hour long class includes three minutes of jump roping Rocky-style as a warm up followed by high-intensity interval training between punching and kicking a heavy bag and hardcore calisthenics that would make your high school phys ed teacher proud. This shit is hard... but it's worth it.

I've yet to successfully jump rope for 20 seconds, let alone three minutes. I can't do a freaking burpee to save my life -- I just know I'm gonna smash my face on the mat one of these days. I'm starting to get the hang of the jam-cross-hook-uppercut combinations, but my roundhouse kick is still super wonky. And my bicycle crunches? They look more like a turtle stuck on its back and trying to flip itself back upright. (I finally understand why all the Rocky movies spend all that time on those training montages -- Stallone wanted everyone to see how freaking hard he worked!) This kickboxing thing is intense. It's pushed me to the brink of tears and back again on more than one occasion.

But I keep showing up.

In fact, I've decided to say the hell with the usual "shed XX pounds" or "drop X pant sizes" goals that have never once inspired me. These types of goals revolve around a specific end result and have little to do with the ACTION required to get there. You're only able to say you've reached your goal once you hit a number on the scale or a different section of the clothing rack. I don't know about you... but I need continuous, ongoing inspiration to tackle my commitment to being more fit.

So instead, I've decided to set a Show Up goal. Between now and the new year, I will Show Up to 150 classes. Each time, I will Show Up with everything I've got, leaving puddles of sweat and tears in class. I'll Show Up when I'm bruised and feeling broken. I'll Show Up when I don't feel like it. I'll Show Up when I don't have time. I'll Show Up despite the excuses.

Because Showing Up is what I have continuously failed to do. And Showing Up is what has to happen to become the healthier, fitter version of myself.

Because Showing Up is EVERYTHING.

14 classes down. 136 to go.

Might a Show Up goal be just the thing you need to put an end to your excuses?