My life is filled with blessings. Being alive is a big one because it could have easily gone the other way more than once. Sometimes, though, life gets in the way of life and I just forget to stop, look around and say thank you. Can you relate? Please say yes, I wouldn't want to be in this alone.
I am lucky. My life went right instead of left and here I am. Cancer free. Seven years, lucky seven. I have a few scars and bruises, constant reminders of the battles, but what's the big deal about some road maps around my body. Character building! I appreciate the scars, they tell such an amazing story and have hopefully helped a few other women along their way. I'm so grateful I have these reminders every day, they keep me focused on my purpose.
I don't always love them though. They're always there, the story never goes away. Just for a minute I'd like to be the old me again. Would I love what I see? I know I took it for granted, my seamless smooth skin. It didn't occur to me then to be grateful because that's how I was supposed to be. Was I enough then?
There's are lessons here. And there are questions. Is vanity overtaking gratitude? Is lack of self-esteem overtaking gratitude? When will self-love overtake self-doubt? What is enough to stop me from wanting more?
I'm grateful for having breast cancer. Yes, I truly am. It cut the anger from a traumatic divorce right out of me. Anger and the tumor all in one shot. And just like that I had my life back. I started looking forward again and the world opened up. I've expressed my gratitude hundreds of times - in thought, on paper, in words. Even that doesn't seem like enough. Am I not convinced that I'm sincerely grateful? What more do I really want?
I am loved. My life is filled with people who love me just because they do. My gratitude is beyond words for the amazing family and friends I call mine. My kids - no one could be more blessed than me to have these perfect human beings as my very own. I am thankful and happy and incredibly awed that we are all together in this life. I am unconditionally humbled with gratitude that knows no bounds. I need nothing more, I want nothing more. This love is perfect. This is enough.
I realize something in my own words. Do I need validation from others to recognize my own worth? Am I, are we, so caught up in wanting more that we don't see who we are in this world? The difference we make, the happiness we bring, the love we give, the people who need and love us. We are less valuable to ourselves than we are to anyone else in our lives. We are enough to everyone else, we have to become enough to ourselves.
I am sincerely grateful for this journey. I've embraced the tears and the pain - I know I'm alive. That sounds funny but I was numb for many years. Crying let me know I could feel again. So did laughing. And loving. And the occasional broken heart. I've learned what hope is, and believing, and trust in the universe and in myself. I've learned to love myself - a person I didn't really know until challenged. I'm strong and passionate and I never give up. I forget that sometimes in my constant struggle to be better. I AM ENOUGH! Aren't I?
Life can get buried in details and stresses and not having enough time and too much to do. There are rainbows out there - look at them! Make a wish! Breathe in the air. Take a moment to stop. Be grateful to be you. There are thousands of people in this world who would trade places with you even for just a minute. Say thank you and don't stop until you've listed everything you're grateful for. Then write them all down and read it every day. In gratitude there is freedom - freedom from self-pity, freedom from wishing you had more - you start seeing the positive instead of the negative. It's your life, you are in control.
Life, Gratitude and Enough - strange bedfellows? Perhaps. Can you stand in your life, be grateful for all that you are and all that you have and still want more? Does that negate your gratitude? If you are truly thankful, why do you need anything else?
I don't think wanting to be better takes away from being happy with what you have and where you are at this very moment. It's these moments of gratitude, one at a time, that helps us realize how fortunate we are. Wanting more in the next moment takes nothing away from the last. We have unlimited potential in our lives, unending opportunities and the capacity for infinite gratitude. I am enough right now. If tomorrow I want to be better than I am today, I'm good with that. There's always something to reach for and I will keep reaching, keep wanting to make a bigger difference, keep making myself a better person. I'll continue to be grateful, continue to give thanks and continue to appreciate this amazing journey of life. It could have easily gone the other way.
Thank you reading this.