The Blog

The 3 Essential Tools for Building a Life You Love (Part 1)

One of the most powerful steps you can take towards creating the life of your dreams is to take total ownership of everything that manifests within it. Your successes, failures, the way others treat you, your health, your happiness, etc. This is called taking personal responsibility.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

I'm constantly reminding my clients of three important tools and mindset shifts that are the foundation for creating the life and happiness they desire. These three tools are so essential, so fundamental and sometimes so hard to remember and implement in our day-to-day lives.

The first tool that I'm sharing with you today is one I'm incredibly passionate about.

Not only does it have the power to transform your life, the lives of those around you, your relationships, career and anything else that's causing you dissatisfaction or unhappiness, it has the power to change our world for the better. It's that transformational.

The First Essential Tool for Building a Life You Love

One of the most powerful steps you can take towards creating the life of your dreams is to take total ownership of everything that manifests within it. Your successes, failures, the way others treat you, your health, your happiness, etc. This is called taking personal responsibility.

Personal responsibility is not about blame towards yourself or anyone else.

Instead, it's all about empowering yourself to create the life, success and happiness that you desire. It's about becoming solutions focused and working with others to make the world a better place. It's a beautiful, simple and often-overlooked principle that you can utilize in every area of your life.

Whether you're unhappy in your relationship, with your job and your finances, or maybe your whole life seems off-balance and out of sorts... you are 100 percent responsible for everything that's manifested in your life. This can be a tough pill to swallow, I know. Believe me, I know!

When you're feeling stuck, unfulfilled or disconnected from your true self, it can be easier to blame outside circumstances and people. The boyfriend who mistreats you, the job with the bad boss, or the pressures of society or the economy.

But if you take a step back in every situation and ask yourself, "What did I do to allow this to happen?" you'll be pleasantly surprised at what you discover.

You're going to discover that you...
  • chose to be with the wrong person
  • neglected to set your boundaries
  • didn't work as hard as you could have
  • ate too many fatty foods
  • didn't save enough money
  • failed to listen to your gut

And you know what?

This is all great news, and you should be excited about what you discover!

Once you're aware of what you've done to allow situations that cause you unhappiness or frustration, you can now make the necessary changes in your life to produce better results!

How does taking responsibility apply to your life right now?

Chances are, the area of your life in which you're experiencing the lowest level of satisfaction is likely filled with recurring situations that cause you stress, sadness or frustration.

I've created a simple exercise for you to complete.

When completing the exercise, select an incident that is a common source of heartache for you. This could be a recurring argument in your relationship, a common upset at work or even feeling dissatisfaction with your body every time you get dressed in the morning.

At the heart of this exercise is the question from above, "What did I do to allow this to happen?"

In a relationship, it may be that you neglected to set boundaries or express your needs clearly. At work, it may be that you weren't proactive enough to avoid the miscommunication or error. With family, it might be that you didn't to make time to call someone while expected them to reach out to you.

There will be situations that you'll find extreme discomfort answering this question because in your heart, you know you're not to blame for what happened. While that may be true, the point of this exercise to make the shift from a blame-based mindset to one of solutions and collaboration.

While it may not have been your fault that your client never proofs his copy before you print it, how can you take responsibility in that situation to create a positive outcome that leaves everyone feeling happy? Being able to answer that question and apply what you discover is where the truly life-changing magic happens!

So I know you might be thinking, "How do you take responsibility when you're dealing with something like cancer or a natural disaster?"

Here's a fact: You are 100 percent responsible for how you choose to react to any situation in your life.

Whether it's cancer and disease or a tornado that swept through town, you get to choose how you respond to this situation. Yes, it sucks and you have every right to feel what you feel. But if you want to take responsibility, choose to react as positively as possible. Choose to fight, see it as a new beginning or an opportunity to change your life.

Let's also be honest.

With cancer and disease, there's a high possibility that diet and lifestyle played a role. Whether through the stress in your life, food that you ate or chemicals that we put in everything, it's possible that whatever ails you isn't genetic. It's also possible that it is.

For natural disasters, there's a huge chance we're all living in some kind of disaster zone. That's just the way it is. There are tornados in the plains, hurricanes on the coasts and lots of equally awful risks in between. It's the nature of living on this planet.

So instead of getting mad at me for saying this or mad at God and the Universe for putting you in this situation, make the choice to respond positively. That is how you take personal responsibility when something completely out of your control makes an impact on your life.

Click here to download this exercise and make the shift now!

Sign up for my free video training series to dive more into these three tools!

Stephenie Zamora is the founder of;, a full-service, life-purpose development, design and branding boutique. Here she merges the worlds of personal development and branding to help young women build passion-based businesses. Click here to access her Foundations for Unshakable Joy free video training series now!

Connect with Stephenie on Facebook and Twitter!

For more by Stephenie Zamora, click here.

Popular in the Community