Light

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that." Martin Luther King

I'm staying in a basement apartment which is something I have had a hard time getting use to in that I love light. Everything about light. The meaning of the word as well as the physical aspect and what it does to me and how it makes me feel.

I am a morning person. Maybe it's because I'm usually at work before the sun comes up. The sunrise makes me feel like I have another opportunity of life. Even though I tend to be a worrier both of the past and of the future just seeing the sun rise each day is as calming to me as the ocean waves are to others and gives me hope.

There is no sound of the sun rising on any sound machine but I can heard the strength and feel the power of sunshine. And not being able to see that each morning when I have the opportunity is a bit disconcerting to me. In order to see I have to have an artificial light on somewhere and that doesn't help my claustrophobia. I have no idea why or from where I inherited this phobia but there you have it. And it is very real. The technical term for claustrophobia is the fear of restriction and fear of suffocation.

Hmm, interesting. I know I can't sit in the back of a van without my heart starting to race. I can't be in large groups of people without starting to feel the panic of being trapped. And for some reason being in a basement even with the doors open makes me feel anxious. There are plenty of windows and I can see the light but I can't FEEL the light. I know most of it is in my head but tell that to my psyche.

It frustrates me that I can't shake this feeling. The apartment is lovely and has everything I could possibly need. It's in a beautiful neighborhood. It is convenient and cozy. Just not enough light.

An interesting metaphor for how I live my life sometimes. I am trying to relinquish the fear of restriction and feel more free with my choices. To find that light that makes me joyous and makes me thankful for everything. Maybe that is what put me here in the first place. To find the light within me and not look so much outside to find it. Whether that be from a basement apartment or on top of the mountain. Find the light.