I used to be organized. I used to be on time. I used to make lists and complete tasks. Then, I had kids. It seems as though I can't catch my breath or get back on track. I keep telling myself that at some point I will find more free time, more money, more patience. I lie to myself so I can feel better about my hot mess of a life. I also lie to my kids, my husband, my friends, my boss, and random strangers at the grocery store. Not big lies -- just tiny white lies so that I can survive the day. Here are 13 examples:
1. "I was going to do that." "That" can pretty much be anything I was supposed to do but didn't get around to. It can be dinner, dishes, a shower, grocery shopping, mailing a letter... the list is endless.
2. "I promise I will be there on time." I have the best of intentions. I swear. But I lied. I will never be there on time.
3. "I will go to the store later." Later might mean in an hour, but it probably means when there is absolutely nothing left in the fridge but one slimy carrot and a moldy piece of bread.
4. "Yes, I saw you." I only have two eyeballs, and I can only watch one kid at a time. Of course I am lying when I say, "I saw you." The kids don't need to know that, though, so I smile and say, "That was awesome!"
5. "I will wash it." I do about three loads of laundry a day. At some point, it will get washed. It might be today; it might be tomorrow. If you need the shirt right now, learn to do laundry.
6. "I'm awake." If I sit down for more than three minutes, I will most likely shut my eyes. That doesn't mean I am sleeping. I am just resting my poor, tired eyes.
7. "I heard you." I may have heard you; I may not have heard you. You don't really know, do you?
8. "I remember." I don't remember.
9. "It will get easier." I want to believe that as the kids grow, life will get easier. My oldest will be 10 in the spring. My youngest just turned 5. So far, not any easier.
10. "The house will stay clean today." I spend the day picking up toys, laundry, dishes, and food off the floor. Parenting is like a never-ending game of Hungry Hungry Hippos, and it's my job to gobble up all of the crap. Somehow there is still a mess when the kids go to bed.
11. "I couldn't find a sitter." I know I was supposed to go to Girls' Night Out, but that would require putting on pants, and after a long week, that just ain't happening.
12. "I'll do it first thing." "First thing" never really means the first thing. The first thing I do is make coffee. I might get to it second, but that is probably a lie, too. When I forget to do it, I will revert to lie #8 and tell you that I do in fact remember, but that is also a lie.
13. "I'd love to help." If you are asking me to help you and the role I will play requires me to nap, then yes, I would love to help. If you are asking me for anything else, I will most likely help, but I probably won't love it.
In the wise words of Pitbull, every day above ground is a great day, so let's have the Time Of Our Lives. I will keep telling my little white lies in order to survive "living the dream." If you are also guilty of telling a few fibs here or there, take comfort in knowing you are human and that's life.