COMEDY

Kate McKinnon's Bad-To-The-Bone 'Lori Loughlin' Schools Convicts On 'SNL'

Michael Keaton's "Julian Assange" boasts that he's the "scourge of the cleaning staff at the Ecuadorian embassy."

Move over, thugs. Make way for a new breed of “super-threats” like Kate McKinnon’s Lori Loughlin, Michael Keaton’s Julian Assange and Pete Davidson’s Michael Avenatti.

Scariest on “Saturday Night Live’s” cold open inside the faux Chino Correctional Facility: Loughlin. While convicts played by Kyle Mooney, Kenan Thompson and Chris Redd boast about their dirtiest deeds, McKinnon pops up, unimpressed.

“Oh yeah, you think that’s insane?” asks a snarling McKinnon. “I paid 500 grand to get my daughter into USC.” (Thompson’s astounded she paid that much for ... the University of Southern California.)

McKinnon’s Loughlin also cops to greasing the skids with the guards by helping their kids get into “a really competitive pre-K.”

“You think prison is hard?” she continues to scoff. “I’ve done 68 Hallmark movies. I’ve seen hell, man... I’m gonna take your heart and I’m gonna cut it out.”

Then Davidson’s Avenatti turns up to unload on the cons: “Bitch. I’m accused of crimes you can’t even conceive of … like blackmailing a sneaker company ... I’m so shady that a porn star once said that she needed to distance herself from me.”

Keaton’s Assange drifts in to boast he’s “the architect of anarchy, the king of chaos ... the scourge of the cleaning staff at the Ecuadorian embassy.” Then he asks where the bathroom is, because he really has to “take a WikiLeak.” 

Check out the clip up top.

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