Love is the most complicated, awesome, painful and sought after desire there is. We all want it, and we all can have it, but many of us simply just don't know how to get it.
You have to understand it and take intentional action to get it.
Here is my "Love after Divorce Manifesto", designed to help you attract sustaining new love in 2013.
I open my heart, my soul and my mind to receiving the love I desire.
If you have loved, lost love or simply have never experienced the beauty of love, you will first have to prepare your heart and soul to receive it. Looking for love when you are not at peace with loving yourself and the intensity and vulnerability that love creates, will only lead you to a disappointing journey.
Give yourself the time you need to prepare, so you feel ready to allow yourself to receive all that love is and becomes.
I allow curiosity to drive my dating and relationship experiences.
Too often we become critical during the dating process, expecting that we will be met with fireworks and butterflies with every potential partner and becoming angry and frustrated when we believe our expectations are not met. When you are able to look at every person you meet as an opportunity to learn more about them, you not only will enjoy dating far more, but you will be allowing yourself to be curious.
Curiosity presents a chance for you to share more about you, inquire about things you really want to know about them and unleash your flirtatious and authentic personality in the process. Be clever, kind and flirty with your delivery and you will be surprised with the results.
I will enjoy, rather than evaluate each new person I meet. I will embrace the opportunity to meet new people as I date, and refrain from analyzing them until I have shared at least three unique experiences with them.
We egotistically believe that we possess the ability to fully evaluate a person upon the first few minutes of meeting them, convincing ourselves that "we know what we want and he is not it".
The truth is, none of us possess this skill. You can assess that you are not attracted to his looks at all, or that he offends or disgusts you, but other than these glaring situations, it is extremely difficult to fully assess a person after having dinner or drinks with him one, two or even three times.
While dating, individuals are not always being their authentic selves. They are nervous, trying too hard, and managing fear -- all coming with their own context and skill level. Dating is an opportunity to create as safe and enjoyable environment as possible while getting to know someone, which takes time and shared experiences. Rather than having repeated dates for dinner and drinks, try another activity. Go skiing or hiking, visit a gallery or museum, cook together -- there are endless ways to share time. Preferably choose an activity that is something you love and see how he is able to share it with you. Until you have the chance to see someone relaxed and comfortable, it will be a challenge to assess how you really feel.
I own who I am and what I want and need, and I'm setting boundaries that leave me feeling empowered, honored and in control of my romantic life.
There is nothing more attractive than someone who knows who they are and what they want, and who remains loyal to that even within an intimate relationship. If you are unable to honor what you want and set boundaries around that, you simply won't be able to create a love that is sustainable over time.
Extraordinary, sustainable love is only possible when both of the people in the relationship are healthy, happy and whole as individuals. There are no exceptions.
I embrace being a woman and will nurture the feminine, sensual and flirtatious part of me as I seek out love and romance.
Sex is not the same thing as sensuality and sexuality. The more you embrace and enjoy your sensuality and sexuality, the better your relationship will be and the more fun you will have. It is not about performance or being good in bed; it is about connecting to your femininity and being comfortable with your sexuality.
Walking fully in your identity as a woman will bring out the best in any man. As you move along your journey to search for love, cultivate your own sensuality by doing things for yourself that allow you to feel strong, sexy and vibrant; and then bring this into your experiences while dating.
I recognize that open, honest, and face-to-face communication is the only way to co-create and build a healthy relationship.
Real and healthy love only takes place through a deep and "live" connection with each other. Relationships that take place virtually with little or no interaction face to face will never sustain the test of time. The only place for intimate conversation and communication is when you are together or perhaps on the phone in between time together.
Having intimate conversations about how you feel in the relationship or what you want via text or email is a clear indicator that there are cracks in the foundation of the relationship and suggests that it is unlikely that you will ever be able to create real love together.
I trust myself and will listen to my gut and my intuition when it guides and protects me.
Most of us use the phrase "I don't know" to avoid listening to our own intuition, especially when it may mean walking away from something that represents what we want. You do know. You always know somewhere deep down inside, even if you struggle to say it out loud. Love is complicated, and it requires complete honesty -- even when it hurts.
Trust yourself... you are worth it.
Laura is the CEO and founder of The D Spot, which is dedicated to support women as they move through and forward after divorce. She guides women as they take their love experience and love losses and use them as the foundation upon which they will build the intentional and extraordinary new love that they desire!
She is a Divorce Strategist and Love Intentionalist and the author of The Ultimate Divorce Organizer: The Complete, Interactive Guide to Achieving the Best Legal, Financial, and Personal Divorce.
Her passion and true life purpose is to support women on their journey to revitalize and reclaim the life that they envision and deserve. Her unique model is a combination of her M.B.A. in strategic planning, her Certification as a Life and Career Coach, her training through the Anthony Robbins Institute, her experience and her personality. She is a strategist; and is driven to empower women to make daily progress towards creating all that they want.