Men Can't Read Minds, Get Over It

Amazing and healthy relationships happen when both people get to win. When both people get to feel great, supported and more importantly, loved.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

If you want a psychic, go hire one.

If you want an awesome relationship, you create one.

One of the best ways to start creating that relationship is by letting people in on what is going on in our heads. By letting them in on the weird and wacky world that exists in there. Stop pretending it isn't, you and I both know it is.

As a life coach, I have seen this trend lately where we believe someone loves us more if they can figure out what we are thinking at all times. That they know instantly when we are happy, upset, frustrated, excited, disappointed, etc., and more importantly, they understand why we are feeling those emotions. Because they just "get us".


Who told you that crap? If you know who did, take away their wine for a week and send them to bed without their supper!

Reality check. People do not show their love by randomly guessing correctly what is going on in that very, very complicated place we call our brain. They show love by asking questions, listening, supporting and learning about who we are.

I don't know about you but I can be thinking about Louis C.K. one second and the kitten video I watched that morning the next. I mean literally the next second. It all connected in my head, but why would I expect anyone else to keep up? Aren't they also trying to make a living, be a functional human being and deal with all of their own stuff in the process?

Ain't nobody got time for that.

When we make them guess or put these wackadoo expectations on them, it is not them who is letting you down by not guessing correctly about what is going through your head. It is you who is letting them down for making them guess. Playing games. Punishing them when they don't know. Making them feel like a lesser person in the relationship because they can't read your mind.

That is just setting them up for failure and why would you want the most important person in your life to fail? How is that creating an incredible lasting relationship?

Amazing and healthy relationships happen when both people get to win. When both people get to feel great, supported and more importantly, loved.

Every move you make should be working towards asking questions, really listening to answers and understanding each other.

So that is why when someone asks you "what's wrong?" Tell them.

If you are interested, let them know. Most times they need you to NOT be subtle.

If you are having a bad day, explain it to them. Then they can know it is not about them and learn how to support you.

If you have expectations about something, share them. When you can talk about what you want or need, they can actually try step up to reach your expectations or help figure out what can work for both of you. See? Win-win!

At the end of the day, most importantly, you just want to let them in. No matter how scary it is.
You may be shocked at how amazing they can be, once you actually let them.

Save the psychic for your winning lottery numbers.

Are you single and meant to be a super hero? Grab your cape and join the League of Adventurous Singles! A weekly newsletter with activities, journal questions, checklists, cocktail recipes, Jedi mind tricks, madlibs, challenges and so much more. It is for singles interested in changing the world AND their love lives by getting offline and out of their comfort zone.

For more by Kira Sabin, click here.

For more on love and relationships, click here.

Popular in the Community


What's Hot