Hi,
It's me. Do you remember me? We were in love once, a very long time ago. We made each other promises before we knew who we were, before we knew what those promises meant.
We're old now, and probably more grey than either of us would like to admit. It's hard for me to picture you as any older than the last day I saw you all those years ago. I bet age suits you.
When I close my eyes and think of you, you feel like a dream. When I close my eyes and think of you, I always picture you smiling at me. My favorite was when you thought something was really funny and you would close your eyes tightly and lean your head back, face to the sky. I liked it best because lines would appear at the corners of your eyes. I wanted to be the reason for those lines.
I can't hear your laugh anymore, but I can still picture you laughing perfectly. I loved your laugh. I loved when I was the reason you were laughing.
You probably have children now, beautiful little red-headed, blue-eyed children, the children I always pictured would be mine. You are the greatest dad, this I know. I don't need to know you anymore to know this. You were always going to be the world's best dad. You wouldn't be able to help it. I hope they have your freckles and your kindness. I hope you gave up a big promotion to be able to spend more time with them. I hope you teach them how to make perfect paper airplanes and how to shoot free throws. I hope you tickle them until tears stream down their faces from laughter. I hope you read to them at night before they fall asleep.
Do you remember that time we sat in my mom's car in your driveway with the skylight open, your seat back and my head on your lap, and we just watched the stars all night? You told me I was perfect and I believed you.
Did it feel odd standing at an alter with someone other than me? It did for me. Sometimes it still does. It was you and only you for so very long. I pictured us up there together so many times. I guess muscle memory exists even with dreams...
I don't remember why I started writing this letter to you. Maybe I still miss you, even after all these years. Maybe I was hoping to get to know you again, to reconnect with an old friend. Maybe I've been meaning to write this letter for a very long time.
Hoping all is well in your corner of the world. Hoping you love the way your life turned out. Hoping this letter finds you in good health. Hoping you laugh every day.
Love always,
Your First Love