My first reactions to hearing the news about the shooting in a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida were ones of shock and horror, then grief and profound sadness. In the days that followed I found myself thinking a lot about my mother and sister and father, all whom have passed within the last seven years.
It brought back emotions of loss and mourning. Even though I did not personally know any of the 49 victims killed, as a gay woman I feel as though they were family too.
I told a Facebook friend that I was shaken to my core. The predictable political battle lines were waged as they are after every mass shooting. Blame terrorism, blame mental illness, blame gun laws, blame politicians, blame the president, blame the past president, blame religion, blame the candidates for exploiting a tragedy, blame the gays for bringing this on themselves, and Pat Robertson went so far as to say God did this and blamed the Supreme Court and the American public for accepting gay marriage. Yes, there is plenty of blame to go around. We have been doing this since Columbine in the 90s.
But I noticed something different this time that I don't recall hearing in the past: the word "LOVE." My sister brought it up in her Facebook Post right after the shooting and of course it was shot down by a friend who said "Love is naive." (Guess he is in the blaming terrorists camp.) I responded by quoting from First Corinthians 13: 4-8:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
Nowhere does it say Love is naive, I pointed out to him.
But this is not the only place the word "Love" has come up. Broadway star Lin-Manuel Miranda recited the word many times in his acceptance speech for the Tony award he won for writing "Hamilton." It moved the audience and myself in an inspiring way.
Just saying the word brings forth positive emotions and strength and empowerment. I always remember my mother when I think about Love. She was the first human being that loved me from birth to now (she is still with me even in death). She knew Love as a verb and she lived it every day. That love and acceptance and warmth and comfort she gave me as a child growing up and as an adult later will be with me my whole life. I try to tap into that well whenever I'm down or need compassion to understand the hatred that so many have fallen victim to.
Her love taught me to love myself, even as a gay person. Perhaps the shooter was a closet gay. Perhaps he had self hatred and he could not reconcile his sexual longings with his Muslim religion. He grew up in the US after his parents migrated from Afghanistan in the 1980s. One would think he would be assimilated into American culture by the time he reached his 20s. Maybe he had a mental illness from birth. Maybe that is why the ISIS ideology appealed to him. We may never know the answers to all of these questions.
But as a gay person growing up in America, I know the shame and fear of coming out. I was raised in the 1950s and I never could have imagined we would ever achieve gay marriage or be able to openly serve in the military or adopt children. These are exciting times for us. But I can relate to the teen suicides and the gay conversion therapies forced on us of the past.
When I was a teen member of a Baptist Church I was given a pamphlet that talked about how sinful it was to be a homosexual and that it was against God's laws. They likened it to alcoholism and drug addiction. It scared me enough to stay in the closet until I was 29.
Yes, we have come a long way just in the last few years. But this massacre is a stark reminder that the hatred and fear is still out there. That is why this outpouring of Love for our community cannot be understated.
Both Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon gave stirring commentaries on their late night talk shows and both talked about Love and Hope. It was extraordinarily moving.
Hillary Clinton spoke of the way America came together and mobilized on September 12, 2001 after 9/11. I remember that as a time when we all got enlightened in seeing something greater than material goods and getting ahead and that something was LOVE for our family and friends and country.
Right after Orlando I had a strong desire to go visit my lifelong friend who is recovering from a serious car accident she had last Labor Day. She is in a nursing home and has made progress after breaking her neck and enduring many surgeries and having partial paralysis in her arms and legs. She is now off the respirator and breathing on her own as well as eating on her own. All huge steps.
She is an hour and a half away and I hadn't been to see her in over a month but I knew I had to go. I knew she would comfort me and she did. She had seen the news and the aftermath of the shooting on TV and gave me a big hug and condolences and pointed out that the world is supporting the LGBT community with the Eiffel tower in rainbow colors and vigils in nations around the globe. That was so inspiring to see.
My visit was fruitful. She helped me immensely. I admire her courage and optimism. She told me she has plans to play viola again. Our mutual love lifted me up. I felt if she could be positive in her condition, I have no reason to despair.
When I think of how we gays often feel left out like a round peg trying to fit in a square hole, I sometimes think that is how it must be to come from another culture or religion or race. This guy was fighting against many stereotypes his whole life. This is in no way condoning what he did. It has hateful and horrible and there is no excuse for his actions. He was either mentally ill or possessed by evil.
But it seems his two possible phobias cross sectioned in a destructive way. Recently deceased icon Muhammad Ali chose a different path. He was a Muslim that believed in non-violence and peace. He had all kinds of prejudice dumped on him but he used the challenges to make himself stronger and more compassionate and loving and stayed true to his convictions.
Jesus states in the Scriptures: "The Greatest Commandment is Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, all of your mind, and all of your soul. And the second is like unto it: Love your neighbor as yourself." The fact that these are commandments means Love is a verb that requires action.
The Quran also teaches love, tolerance, and freedom of religion.
Yes, I believe Love is making a comeback. Not that it ever went away. At times like these we all need to go to that well and recall the times we have been loved and give love back to our fellow human beings, be they gay or straight, black or white or red, Christian or Muslim, male or female or transgendered, Republican or Democrat or Independent, young or old. We are one.
We were all made in God's image and born out of LOVE. As Stephen Colbert pointed out we must not give in to despair because then hate will have won. We must remember that Love perseveres and never fails.