In a writing career spanning more than three decades and earning me literally thousands of dollars, I've made my share of typos, misspellings, and gaffes. But I've never apologized for anything I've written.
Except one time.
Many years ago, in a feature on a sick woman, I meant to write how "everyone loves her sense of humor." Instead the sentence appeared as "everyone loves her sense of tumor." Since tumors are rarely funny, I felt it necessary to apologize. To the whole family. Repeatedly.
Now, I find myself in the awkward position of having to apologize again.
I recently wrote a column chronicling my frustrations when driving my long commute. Among the "unmentionable driving crimes" were people caught singing while we're stuck in traffic. I believe I recommended federal prison terms for repeat offenders.
I still stand by my recommendation, but I feel compelled to apologize for citing one song. Four readers gently scolded me for including the B-52's "Love Shack" on my list of banned songs -- along with show tunes, "Don't Stop Believing," "Sweet Home Alabama," and any Katy Perry song. No one objected there.
Because I respect my single-digit readership, I felt it was my journalistic -- no, humane -- obligation to reconsider the merits of "Love Shack." I haven't heard the song in awhile, so I tracked it down employing modern techniques culminating in asking a friend to pretty please find the song for me.
With new, open ears, I listened again to . . .
The love shack is a little old place where we can get together
Love Shack, baby (a-Love Shack, baby)
Love Shack, baby, Love Shack
Love Shack, baby, Love Shack
Love Shack, baby, Love Shack (Love, baby, that's where it's at)
Love Shack, baby, Love Shack (Love, baby, that's where it's at)
And because I remembered all the words (who doesn't?) I sang along again to . . .
Huggin' and a-kissin'
Dancin' and a-lovin'
Wearin' next to nothin'
'Cause it's hot as an oven
The whole shack shimmies
Yeah, the whole shack shimmies
Remember the video? Of course, you do. Rolling Stone voted "Love Shack" the best single of 1989. And in a saucy tribute, adult video stores named their businesses after the song. How could I support jailing people for singing...
Hop in my Chrysler, it's as big as a whale and it's about to set sail
I got me a car, like, it seats about 20
So come on and bring your jukebox money
How could I?
Bang, bang, bang, on the door, baby
Knock a little louder, baby
Bang, bang, bang, on the door, baby
I can't hear you
So, I'm sorry my dear four readers. I was wrong about "Love Shack." It's a fun, great song. Let me hear you sing it on I-97 Friday afternoons. Hell, I'll sing it with you.
Your what?
Tin roof, rusted
Exactly.