Thanks to the comedic geniuses at MAD Magazine, we finally know the secret formula behind CNN's wall-to-wall coverage of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370.
Though the magazine's “20 Dumbest People, Events and Things of 2014″ issue doesn't come out until December, MAD gave Jim Romenesko an exclusive look at “Dumb Item #13” on Tuesday: "CNN's Emergency Card" to be used "in case of missing flight at sea."
The diagram, created by artist Timothy Shamey, features helpful tips for 24-hour cable news networks, such as "use bold graphics and dramatic music to whip public into ratings-friendly frenzy," "hire 'experts' to fill airtime with wild, unsubstantiated theories," and "shamelessly exploit grieving family members whenever possible."
"CNN's Emergency Card" also suggests the best exit strategy is to "abruptly move on to next controversy/tragedy" and "drop all mention of missing flight."
Check out the image here via Jim Romenesko.