'I Am Better Than Your Kids': An Interview With Maddox

You probably know Maddox as the blogger behind the seminal Best Page in the Universe, but he's also the author of things that can be found outside of your computer, like The Alphabet of Manliness. In his latest book, I Am Better Than Your Kids, he's taking on the world's greatest scourge -- children. More specifically, he's taking on children who attempt to draw. Yep, he's going after the cute little crayon renderings we lovingly tape to our fridges and desks.

The idea for the book originated from his Crappy Art posts, and sure, a child's art may be an untraditional thing to criticize, but according to Maddox he's doing the kids a "service" by ripping their crafts to shreds.

We caught up with him on his book tour, and he gave us the low-down on hate mail, pop culture, and of course, his mom.

How did the legend of Maddox begin? The book, the site, everything?
Well, some of my close friends and family members are vegetarians and animal rights activists and they're really obnoxious and in your face about it. So I had this website that I wasn't really using and I figured it would be a good opportunity to do something with it. I started writing these posts, and at first, no one was really looking at them -- maybe a couple hundred clicks -- and that was okay with me. I kept writing and writing and eventually the site snowballed into what it is today!

Have you always had this same sense of humor or has that changed over time?
I think it's changed over time in that I've become less mature. I don't remember liking fart jokes as much as I do now.

Your parents must hate you. You say as much in the intro to your latest book.
I don't think they hate me, but they're probably disappointed. My dad's okay with me because he knows I'm a hard worker, but my mom... I think I've disappointed her on every level.

How much hate mail do you get in one day?
I get about 100 emails per day, and about 10-12 percent is hate mail. It'll vary with the time and the post. I got hate mail about the suicide article, the Christopher Reeve article... I even got death threats on that one. The Christopher Reeve Foundation even contacted me -- their lawyers! I tried to explain to them that this is an important debate, and people are talking about it because of my article. I'm not going to silence them just because you ask me to.

And you're not updating as much, so I'm sure your fans are peeved about that.
My fans are a real buttherd about the site not being updated as much, but the bottom line is this: I am spread way too thin. I'm working non-stop. I wrote this book, launched a new site, I'm just swamped with shit. It never ends.

So, why kids? People probably think this is pretty harsh.
I think it's really fair, and I think I'm doing them a service that their parents aren't doing. This comes from a place of good intentions. I think I'm making the world a better place by criticizing children.

How do you deal with angry moms? Like Mothers Against Maddox?
I deal with it the same way I deal with my own angry mother: Just ignore her and hang up the phone.

What's the worst movie you've seen lately?
I saw a real piece of shit the other day. 'Cowboys and Aliens.' That movie sucked so bad. You have a race of aliens that are shape-shifters, basically immortal; this race is so advanced that not only can they morph into other things, but they learned the culture, language and subtle nuances of another species within the course of a year. It didn't explain how a primitive race of humans wiped out the shape-shifting, immortal, invisible aliens. God, what a shitpile.

Are you at all happy to share your name with one of Brangelina's kids?
I'm sure she's happy to share her kid's name with me! I imagine that I was the inspiration for that, since I come up first if you search online for Maddox.

Who is, in your opinion, the most annoying person on Earth right now?
It's not a person so much as a cast, and it's the cast of 'Jersey Shore.' I don't hate reality TV, don't get me wrong, but it's like they're leftovers. Leftovers of humans. If humans were a sandwich meat, and you cut off all the good stuff, and what's left is just fat and gristle. You can't eat it, you can't do anything with it, but it's there, and you're looking at it. That's what 'Jersey Shore' is.

Are you Team Edward or Team Jacob?
How about Team Suicide? My girlfriend and I snuck into 'New Moon' and it was so ridiculously bad. Those movies are so absurd. We were laughing out loud in the theater. It's like porn for virgins.

Any thoughts on Kim Kardashian and this wedding ridiculousness?
Man, I don't know anything about Kim Kardashian. I have totally tuned her out of my existence, thankfully. I downloaded her sex tape, though, which was disappointing. Her ass is so juicy, but you don't see enough of it!

Do you think Biebs knocked that girl up?
Wait a minute. I thought he was gay. He's actually gay, right?

Catch Maddox, who is currently on a book tour for 'I Am Better Than Your Kids.' You can always visit his site to read his latest rant. And, by the way, the Twitter account under his name is a fake.