"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Dr. Maya Angelou
Recently, have you had someone verbally attack you and try to make you feel awful? That person can be difficult to forget. Sometimes, a person will insult, shout or use abusive language about you or those you care about because he or she has chosen to express feelings negatively. For example, has someone told you that some comments you made were just stupid or idiotic? Has someone said a loved one is not good enough in some way? If so, being on the receiving end of insults isn't easy. Keep in mind, if the insults or judgments weren't thrown your way, they would have been targeted at someone else. You were simply the target that day. While the insults may have been directed to hurt you, they were not ultimately about you.
First, establish that you have the control whether or not to take the insults personally. No matter how stinging the words, no matter how deeply it hurts, you control how insults impacts you. No one has the power to hurt you unless you give away that power. Even if someone uses abusive language against you or shouts an insult, it is always your choice to view what is happening as an insult or not. If someone irritates you, it is only your own thought responses that are irritating you. Therefore, when anyone seems to be provoking you, remember that it is only your judgment of the incident that is provoking you. Don't let your emotions get ignited or react negatively in the moment. Try to pull back from the situation, and take a breath, see the bigger picture and maintain composure of yourself.
Keep in mind, only the weak feel compelled to defend or explain to others. Think of the troubles you could avoid and the stress you can eliminate if you made the decision to ignore a slight offense, a minor criticism or an intentional snub. It is up to you to act prudently and not react in any negative manner. You can either take the other person's negatives, which will just reinforce negative thinking patterns, or you can use any small truth in the information to get rid of what you do not want.
You can chose to keep your head clear from the crazy things or comments people throw your way. Some people simply try to make others feel badly, so they can feel better about themselves. My suggestion is to first ignore the insults as much as possible. Whatever you do, choose not to display anger. Being angry about unfound statements is understandable but reacting out of a place of anger is a weak response. It shows that you take the insults seriously and are giving them credibility. Angry reactions destabilize you emotionally and inevitably cause more pain.
Walking away from certain situations and painful comments is a step forward. There is so much to do to benefit ourselves and others, there are so many opportunities to seize, and moving to achieve goals is not possible if you are paralyzed by someone else's words or actions. If anyone tells you that someone has spoken critically of you, don't bother with excuses or defenses just smile and reply, " I guess that person doesn't know about all my other faults; otherwise, he wouldn't have only mentioned this one."
You can maintain composure in the midst of insults. Take some time to ask yourself questions such as:
1) Why were the insults offensive to me?
2) Did the insults bring up something I need to improve about myself?
3) Is there a way to take what has been said and use it to empower me?
4) Can I imagine the same thing being said to me in a kinder way?
4) What would be the result if I refused to be insulted?
In conclusion, you have the choice to not take offense at insults and not fling back insults. Offense exists not in the insult but in your reaction to it, and your reactions are 100% within your control.