Healthy Living

Men, Your Fragile Masculinity Is A Cry For Help

Men who police themselves into arbitrary boxes of "masculinity" deny themselves the full scale of humanity.
06/14/2017 11:24am ET | Updated August 23, 2017
Alex Jones, Photographer. Unsplash, website.

All right, guys, it’s time for a talk. So, do me a favor and sit down, grab a coffee, whatever you need to do because I’m not sure how long this is going to take. Masculinity, for as long as the world can remember, is a description word that most commonly now reflects someone’s outward appearance. At its core it defines specific physical traits. Society has its way of putting us in tiny, conforming boxes and this is one of those.

Let me start by saying that I am a masculine man. I am also a gay man. To a lot of people, those two things do not exist, and by a lot of people I mean heterosexual people, people who haven’t left their small town, or people who haven’t used the internet. That is not to say that all heterosexual people or the latter are this way, it is just to say that those who think this way are typically in those categories.

Fragile masculinity has a number of definitions and it is both a noun and a verb, in my vocabulary anyway. Honestly, I’d drink from one of those “Male Tears” coffee mugs if I owned one (be honest ― it’s hilarious). Now, now, don’t throw your wannabe fedora at the computer screen just yet. Bear with me, because you may not think so but you really do need to hear this.

Fragile masculinity is easily described as someone who overcompensates their “bro-ness” or “manliness” in a fashion that is easily questioned when another man hugs them. They step back to say, “No homo, bro.”

If you haven’t figured this out yet, you’re not gay unless you enjoy the companionship ― romantically, physically, or both ― of another man. This concept is not that complicated. Read it again if you must. Just understand that hugging a friend who is heartbroken for any manner of reasons in an attempt to comfort them doesn’t make you a closet homosexual. If you have a desire to take him home and show him a good time with dinner, a movie, and then pressure him into sex like you do with women, that’s closet homosexuality. So, now you know, and you know what they say... “Knowing is half the battle.”

I wanted to explain when masculinity began to take a decline, but masculinity has always been pretty fragile. In the Victorian era and before, men wore heels, especially butchers, but when women began wearing them men stopped. Why? Because it was no longer seen as a masculine trait. I’m actively shocked that men haven’t stopped wearing pants yet... I mean, I have, but that’s because I prefer shorts. The same thing happened with the color pink.

Susan Stamberg over at NPR wrote on that exact topic,

“To our 21st century ears, all this men in pink stuff may sound a bit blushy. “It’s so deeply entrenched in us and our culture,” says Finamore. “We think of pink as such a girlish color, but it’s really a post-World War II phenomenon.”

Throughout the centuries, masculinity has proven to be overtly fragile. If we pinpoint it, post-World War II is when the hyper-masculinity “phenomenon,” as stated above, worsened. But it’s always been a problem in western society as we go back through history ― always.

I don’t want to focus on history though, I want to focus on the present and what your fragile masculinity is doing in society, because I’m pretty sick of it ― and you should be too. I have so many topics I want to cover but I will start small, so everyone can keep up.

Calling other men names after female genitalia, referring to other men as women, or even eluding to it.

Here is a firm example of that fragile masculinity at work. When a man calls another man a female-bodied person’s genitals, they are using this term to say that man is “lesser” because of it. How many of you have seen “The Miracle of Birth,” eh? The female body can do more in a few hours or so than most fragile men do in their lifetime. Let’s be completely honest, when you refer to another man or allude to another man being “like a woman,” what you’re saying is “I see women as lesser beings,” and therefore by calling you a woman I am letting you know I think of you as my lesser.” Are you serious? I have seen women lift cars, and not just to save babies (women aren’t just here for childbirth ya know.). There is a video circling around the internet of women breaking melons with their thighs ― y’all, that could be your head. Be real with yourself: Women are your equals. The sooner you come to terms with this, the easier the world will be to live in.

Women are not machines that you put nice coins in and they deposit out sex.

Seriously, how many times do you need to be told this? You don’t get sex as a reward. You are not being friend-zoned. Simply knowing a woman, being her friend, and both of you being straight doesn’t mean you eventually get the “holy grail” that you are hoping for. And if you did engage with this woman and befriend her with hopes she will put out, why don’t you go on Tinder and find a consenting woman to sleep with you, no strings attached. Be an adult. I mean, you are legally an adult, so please start acting like one.

Touching your son in a platonic and affectionate way, or saying you love him, is not gay.

Why are you concerned that people will think being affectionate to your child will make you an incest-loving homosexual? Where are you getting these ideas? Put the MRA brochure away, or burn it. You can hug your children, kiss their cheeks, say “I love you,” and show your son that you care without being some sort of deviant.

Stop complimenting women and getting angry when they accept your compliment.

Get out. Just stop. You obviously get off on women depreciating themselves and all of those women are better without you, all of them. So, stop contributing to the growing number of women who commit suicide, have eating disorders, or make rash decisions to alter their body for other people - people like you - rather than personal choice.

If a woman works with you, she is there because of her skill set, not her looks.

Stop getting angry if a woman more qualified than you gets a job you wanted or makes more than you. She is obviously earning it because women CEOs are still making massively less than men, as well as other occupations.

Stop violence against women, or hyper-jealousy when you see her talking to other men.

We get it, you’re a big brute. Fantastic. No one cares, stop being a meathead, stop thinking all men and women do together is have sex, and stop hitting women to show your dominance. You have the privilege of conscious thought, please use it.

Stop thinking anything slightly feminine is gay.

Feminine and masculine are social constructs ― they are not real ― and they only exist because we continue to push them and their existence. As stated before, you are not a homosexual unless you have sexual or romantic desires for another man.

This only begins to scratch the surface of fragile masculinity. Now that we understand some examples of it, let’s start working toward fixing it. One of the biggest ones is the same thing you like to gaslight women with: “CALM DOWN.” So, do the world a favor and calm down. I’m not triggered or offended, I am just trying to explain to you as well as I can, and in as much depth as I can, the gravity of what your fragile masculinity is doing.

I mean, look at what is going on with society, we have a giant walking, talking symbol of fragile masculinity running a country that used to be considered the “greatest” in the world. The “greatest” part has long fallen off, and most of that is because of fragile masculinity. Your big trucks with their o-zone destroying emissions, your poor voting habits, and your attitude toward other men being more feminine, as well as your attitude against women... you’re destroying our society. Don’t even act like this is just liberal propaganda. We all know that White, Heterosexual men are the leaders in the United States congress and senate, as well as the White House officials. It’s called the White House because it’s painted white, not because of the pawns that live inside of it, but that’s a topic for another day.

Do yourself a favor and go read a book, on any subject, just educate yourself. Read up on the history of feminism and the history of masculinity, make today productive.

Stop acting like you need someone to change your diaper, you’re not an infant anymore, and the rest of the world is super tired of it.

All-in-all, keep in mind that this is an opinion piece, which means it’s my opinion. Those are valued regardless of facts these days right?

Stay schwifty, boys.