This weekend, Mark Zuckerberg met with Pope Francis to discuss new ways to connect the people of the world, “alleviate poverty, encourage a culture of encounter, and to communicate a message of hope, especially to the most disadvantaged.”
It would be nearly impossible to get into a meeting like that, but miraculously we were able to find out a few things the two spoke about.
Pope Francis asked Zuckerberg where he has to stick his “thumbs up” to get Google Fiber in the Vatican.
Mark Zuckerberg presented a list of major websites that depend on Facebook sharing, then asked the Pope if he really wants to play God.
Zuckerberg asked the Pope if MySpace went to Heaven or Hell.
Pope Francis asked how Facebook knows he was just looking at those heart-shaped Fred Flare sunglasses!
The Pope wanted a Pope Hat emoji for Messenger so people know “things about to get cray cray.”
They banged out the first five pages of the buddy-cop comedy script they’ve been talking about for years, tentatively called “Pope As S**t.”
Zuckerberg again sent a friend request to the Pope while they were in the same room together. Request was denied.
Zuckerberg made a substantial offer to buy the Pope’s prayer algorithm.
Pope Francis promised to send to Hell anyone of Mark’s choosing, and in return, Zuckerberg must forbid the Pope’s brother from sending Candy Crush invites.
Pope Francis wondered if he could get a share on a photo of a sunset at the beach with a scripture written over it, even though it’s Comic Sans.
Zuckerberg and the Pope debated the moral ramifications of a Dislike button.
The Pope wanted a Pope Face Reaction emoji for Facebook posts, as a way for people to say, “I think the Pope would like this.”
Mark Zuckerberg and his wife waited an hour to eat as Pope Francis needed to get his food just right for Instagram.
When Zuckerberg told the Pope that he will eventually donate the majority of his wealth, which follows Jesus’ teachings, the Pope replied, “Yeah, but Jesus had superpowers, so like can he really talk?”
Mark Zuckerberg asked the Pope if he’s getting into Heaven. The Pope said, “As soon as I get verified on Facebook.”