Real Life. Real News. Real Voices.
Help us tell more of the stories that matter from voices that too often remain unheard.
Join HuffPost Plus
thinner_close_xCreated with Sketch.

Don't Just Sit There and Watch Marriage Die a Slow Death: Help Us Change It!

Some of you may be thinking, "Change marriage? We can'tmarriage! There are religious edicts and legal statutes that have been in place for years -- centuries even!"
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

The most dangerous phrase in the language is, "We've always done it that way."

Marriage, in its current state, is not working.

Don't believe me? Look at the stats. With anywhere from a 40 percent to 50 percent divorce rate (depending on who you talk to) and a 23 percent decrease in numbers of those marrying from 1960 to today, it's obvious that lifestyle trends are shifting away from forever after unions.

Should we sit back and do nothing more than watch the institution die a slow death? Or should we mobilize for change?

Some of you may be thinking, "Change marriage? We can't change marriage! There are religious edicts and legal statutes that have been in place for years -- centuries even!"

Therein lies the problem.

We continue to think we're all supposed to fit into a size "small," yet we live "medium," "large" and "extra large" lifestyles. Not to mention that we also live longer these days than we did in 1215, when "until death do us part," got added to the vows.

On Sept. 18, The Census Bureau released new data showing that, despite including same-sex couple stats with married couples (in its largest household survey to date), there was no reversal in the long-term national decline in marriage.

Kim Parker, director of social trends research at the Pew Research Center and one of the authors of the Census Bureau report stated, "The projections really suggest that there's more than just a delay going on here. People are more likely to be never married and stay never married as they reach middle age. That's a significant change."


We can continue to defend "traditional marriage," which perpetuates a narrow model designed for an elite (and straight) population, and continue to set marriage up to fail; or, we can be more inclusive of the myriad needs we have as an evolving culture and thus, set marriage up to succeed.

By offering creative alternatives like having a starter marriage or a parenting marriage, matrimony will appeal to a wider audience. Accepting concepts some find distasteful, like making it okay to marry for money, having term limits, or opening our minds to open marriage, would make marriage more practical and realistic.

Something's clearly gotta give if marriage is going to make it.

If you'd like to join the cause or simply learn more about the "Occupy Marriage Movement," please visit The New I Do Facebook page.

You may also want to check out the just-released book entitled, The New I Do, Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels (Seal Press, 2014).

MORE IN Weddings