I’ve been married twice, both times in a church. Once in New York City, once in Las Vegas. Both included legal documents that proved I was really married. But the other day, I needed something in my file, where I keep important documents and those marriage documents were not to be found. Both Alan and Norman, my first and second husbands have long since left this planet. So, since I can’t prove I was married both times does that mean I was never married? And is that really important?
I’m 93 going on 94 in 1 month. Maybe it would be important, if I were an immigrant under this unfortunate administration, but since I was born in the U.S.A. and have a passport (incidentally it needs to be renewed) I probably won’t be deported. So marriage is not a priority, at least in my current life. I’m often asked, if I had the opportunity would I consider marriage again? “You must be kidding” WHY? Life is a constant challenge and living single is a difficult challenge, but a good one and marriage is and I have to say it THE MOST DIFFICULT challenge. Living with and not married to was the very best relationship in my life and would have been the longest in my life had it not been for the unbeatable Cancer. Sodçxz if it’s the love of your life no matter how you decide to go it marriage or no marriage - it’s worth it. During those 12 years we talked about getting married maybe on a tennis court. We both played tennis badly. During our time on the court was the one time we sounded like John McEnroe on his worst day. Why we ever played together has always puzzled me. Guess that’s why we never got married on or off the tennis court. What we had was understanding, giving, and unconditional love. If you have all 3 of these the purpose of marriage is obsolete.
Perhaps you were brought up knowing you would find Mr. Right and the gown, the brides-maids and the expected elaborate show was and is not uncommon to this day. Remember this writer is 93, which we all know is simply a number in reality. I have no idea what age I am - I just know the journey has been rewarding always creative and above all challenging. The most challenging years were both marriages. The second marriage was like falling off a building - he saved me and I never questioned or even hesitated. If I had to do it all over again, I would probably do exactly the same. It takes years to give birth, to recognize and appreciate wisdom. I’m still working on it. So being candid and honest I’ve lived with someone 3 times in my life and each one was to say the least unusual, fulfilling, loving and worth all the ups and downs and lots of both. So whatever you chose let it be with love. Loving someone takes priority over every word you’ve just read but I’m not through yet. Getting married solo for monetary reasons or convenience or any other thing without love is a loser, you’ll never make it. Maybe you’ll stay hitched, but the joy and living a life of quality will never happen.
A part of a relationship that cannot be ignored is the physicality and chemistry that goes with a newfound relationship some times lasting but in most cases not the case. What’s needed here is a meeting of the minds. I’ve seen couples who have never had a physical attraction but mentally they were one person. So many qualities spell a lasting relationship. Best that you know who you are, respect who you are and recognize these qualities in that chosen person.
A solo life only works if you have found your métier and are good at it. At this time in my life I’m open to new adventures and love the ones I’m living with. The knowledge that anything is possible excites me. This philosophy didn’t come to life in my life until my 70’s, when music became an integral part of every part of me. Not out of desperation but out of acceptance and the challenges in front of me. Listening to your body and your mind both of which are your only and best friends in my eyes is the best marriage around. I’ll buy that. This is a marriage of reality and love. What a beautiful combination. My best time with the person I love is bedtime. I don’t mean sex time just being close physically, emotionally and mentally, that’s the time to relate deeply. No hang-ups, just aware of each other’s wondrous giving and accepting qualities. To have this kind of relationship is to have everything possible.
Go for it, accept it - it’s the winning ticket!
Are you listening?