When you’re dating, you bring your sexting A-game — the texts exchanged are hot and detailed with just the right amount of kink.
Once you’re married, the bar for what passes as a sext is quite a bit lower.
Gone are the days of describing precisely how you’re going to get each other off; now, a properly loaded dishwasher and your good pair of sweatpants are major turn-ons.
Below, we’ve rounded up 19 hilarious tweets that show how sexting changes once you’re married.
[Married sext]
— Abam (@AdamBroud) April 22, 2016
Wife: What are you wearing?
Me: Just my underwear 😉
Wife: So you still haven't done the laundry?
ME: No I have not
[ MARRIED SEXT ]
— HITCH (@titanmoon10) March 30, 2019
Her: Come downstairs now, I need your body
Me: We having sex?
Her: No, I need you to get the rest of the groceries from the trunk
When you’re married 10+ years and have 2 young kids, this can easily qualify as sexting. pic.twitter.com/sp2Lvl9P7b
— j.r. havlan (@JRHavlan) March 15, 2019
Married Sext:
— 🇺🇸Elisabeth🇺🇸 (@YourMomsucksTho) July 31, 2018
I bought the big black Hefty bags, let's throw the kids shit away
MARRIED SEXT
— Will Rodgers (@WilliamRodgers) May 23, 2016
Her: Is it in?
Him: Not yet
Her: Put it In now!
Him: Ok it's in
Her: And set the timer! Im not eating burnt lasagna again!
I need another pillow to make the wall higher, I can still see you on your side of the bed.
— Maybe She... (@CantWaitToNap) November 21, 2018
~Married sext
So, should I brush my teeth, or nah?
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) February 2, 2015
-married sext
[married sext]
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) January 23, 2019
Gas was $69
keeping our marriage fresh/exciting via texts pic.twitter.com/XB3dktiSnA
— Jeff Lyons (@usedwigs) January 16, 2016
[married sexting]
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) August 3, 2016
wife: I'm running my hands all over your body
me: Did you wash them first? You just handled raw chicken
I’m wearing my good sweatpants.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 10, 2014
--married sext
Married sext: After I massage your legs with Ben Gay, we can watch Netflix and stare at our phones until we fall asleep.
— Doktor J (@doktorj) October 5, 2016
Married sext: Can you refill my drink?
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 21, 2015
"Hey I finally stopped having diarrhea so we're good to go"
— 🇺🇸Elisabeth🇺🇸 (@YourMomsucksTho) September 27, 2018
- married sext
I emptied the dishwasher.
— Sparky (@crunchenhanced) June 14, 2016
-married sext
Just hurry... my show is starting.
— Maybe She... (@CantWaitToNap) December 17, 2016
~married sext
[married sexting]
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) December 9, 2016
wife: I take your glasses off
me: Ok but be careful, I have a $100 deductible
I know how you like it.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) July 11, 2014
And so that's exactly how I loaded the dishwasher.
- married sext
"I'm gonna regrout our shower."
— The Personification of nEvil (@TheAlexNevil) June 20, 2015
--dad sext
Before You Go
