With trends, everything tends to be cyclical -- bellbottoms which were all the rage in the '60s and '70s miraculously appeared back in closets in the last ten years. The Paleo diet, first introduced by cavemen, was reintroduced as a great way to lose weight around five years ago. Basically, we try something out, phase it out, then reintroduce it when we realize that maybe, those other folks had a good idea the first time around.
I've been waiting for that trend to hit with dating and a recent experience shows that it has in fact happened. Last week, while late night trolling on one of my umpteen sites, I noticed a blinking icon indicating that someone had sent me a message. I opened it and noticed it was from a woman. My profile lists me as straight so I was extra curious to see what she had to say.
I opened up my chat and we started talking. It turned out that though she wasn't interested in asking me out on a date, she was interested in setting me up. She said that she'd liked my profile and asked if I was interested in participating as a free member on the matchmaking site she worked for. Throwing caution to the wind, I said why not, went on their site and set up a profile for myself. The questions ranged from the expected -- height, religion, income, to the more personal -- relationship hangups, priorities, qualities I look for in a match and my own best qualities. It felt a bit like Stitch Fix for dating -- I could specify as much or as little as I wanted though my forthrightness would likely yield the best results.
A few days later, a matchmaker contacted me asking me to delve a bit deeper into some of my answers. Then, she was off to search for a mate for me. Shortly thereafter, a friend of mine who recently got out of a relationship, said she too had recently contacted a matchmaker and was going to try to find love the old-fashioned way.
I took a step back to think about what might have brought about this recent trend towards matchmaking and concluded that we've reached digital dating overload. The game-like quality of the swipe sites was fun but I think for the most part, it leaves us feeling underwhelmed and disconnected. Over and over again, I hear from men and women that establishing a real connection over an online dating site is unlikely, often because of the abundance of riches (subjective) afforded by these platforms. There's always someone better, or hotter, or taller, or smarter when you can spend all day swiping left and right on hundreds of thousands of eligible people. When people -- dates no less -- are made to be that disposable, it's very hard to feel invested in, well, anyone.
Enter the matchmakers. People who take the time and effort to learn about you, your interests, likes and dislikes, what makes you tick -- qualities that are far more relevant in identifying true compatibility than the 140 characters allotted to sum up your personality and the handful of blurry pictures and sexy selfies we put on our profiles. Bottom line, as fun as it is to swipe all day and all night, to really connect, it may be best to bring in the pros and leave the web for everything else.