Finding a perfect match is difficult in any aspect of life, but when it comes to matters of the heart it becomes even more complex. Connecting two people successfully requires much more than physical attraction, common interests and similar values.
On dating apps, hopeful singles are provided with pictures and brief two to three sentence descriptions, while online dating presents a broader ‘dating one-sheet’ resume along with photos of potential matches. The discerning eye may be able to see a few imperfections or surface blemishes, like a dented bumper or missing tail light, but you really don’t know if the person on the other side has had to have his/her transmission replaced or has been in multiple accidents. Daters often fall into this trap known as social misrepresentation, where real photos and information may be significantly dated and/or modified to avoid the presence of a few extra pounds, a little loss of hair or conveniently altered biographical information. Both apps and online dating provide a nice sheen but don’t really allow you to get under the hood of the car.
Matching successful, commitment-minded individuals who are looking for love is a mixture of science and art; perseverance and a little intuition. Those that are in it for the long haul want to meet a compatible partner to learn and to grow from, be passionately in love with and build a future.
Building a future is exactly how Selective Search sees their role as Matchmakers. Using their proprietary Meet Your Future process that goes beyond the façade, they attempt to learn everything about their Clients – what makes them tick, past relationships, what ‘type’ of partner they are attracted to, while identifying ‘must have’ elements and deal breakers. The result of this extremely detailed process - 300 data points in all – is a document called the Benchmark for Success. This document becomes the blueprint for each search, and every person introduced to a client must meet the high and specific standards of the Benchmark, a main reason to their 87% success rate for Clients.
The first step of the process is the intake. An in-person client assessment begins with a Vice President of Client Relations meeting the potential client to learn about every important aspect of the person. For my intake, I met with Claire Wexler, VP of Client Relations, in the lobby of the London Hotel and after pleasantries and breaking the ice, we got down to business. Going beyond the standard self-summary, favorite activities and what the person is looking for, the two-hour interview process allows Selective Search to truly get to know the client on a personal level and ascertain what type of partner and relationship dynamic will be most compatible.
It was clear to me pretty early on into to the interview process that Selective Search has a tried and true formula for how to screen Clients and truly ask the questions that mattered. Unlike filling out an online dating profile with the standard questions, Claire asked me questions that at first made me a little shy to share – as I just met her 10 minutes’ prior – but soon became comfortable answering after realizing that this is a very professional, life changing experience. As she was frantically flipping back and forth on her four-page double sided packet jotting down notes about what I was saying and observing, a smile began to show on my face as I became excited for the prospect of having them help me meet my future match. Claire was very thorough in asking all the questions in her packet as well as being receptive to hearing who I am, what I am looking for, hearing the hurdles I have faced and explaining how their process is truly unique and won’t end up with me going on a date with another gold digger!
As we were wrapping up our meeting, Claire showed me examples of their benchmark for success document, a client-approved outline detailing everything from preferences to deal breakers and as many as 300 key personal, professional and social indicators. She said that she would digest our conversation along with the notes she wrote down and send me this document, my personal benchmark, to approve as it will act as the blueprint for my eventual search. This second step is meant to focus the scope of the search, but not constrain it as the document will be a “living document” that evolves as the search process continues.
The next day I received the two-page document to look over, I just had a few minor tweaks, and responded with a few recent photos and approved it as my roadmap for my search.
A few days later I had a scheduled call from the Company’s Founder & President Barbie Adler, who “Welcomed Me” and reviewed my Benchmark for Success document, as she does with every Client. Using her prior experience as an executive recruiter and almost two decades experience as a matchmaker, Barbie Adler and I were on the phone for over forty-five minutes whilst she pulled out her magnifying glass and aimed to find out every detail about me and any imperfections in the document. Along with adding a few minor details on the document, Adler asked me if there is anything else Selective Search can offer as a value add to help me find my future. I responded by saying that I often get stuck in the ‘friend-zone’ and how could use some advice on how to navigate away from that problem. Barbie made me comfortable by saying that on-going coaching is part of the service Selective Search provides every client, and she assured me that she would help me pursue meaningful relationships with long term potential, rather than just friendships.
At the end of the call Adler mentioned that she personally assigns one of her elite Matchmakers to each client based on the nature of the search and the personality and needs of the client, with the goal of establishing a symbiotic partnership with the matchmaker and client throughout the matchmaking process.
Next up is the actual matchmaking process. On deck for me is to speak with my selected matchmaker, receive presentation of potential matches – which adheres directly to my benchmarks for success document and photos – and then be set up on the anticipated introduction.
I am curious to hear from others…Have you worked with a matchmaker? What was your experience like? Was the interview process thorough or did they just stick to the basics: name, age, work, likes/dislikes?