As most of you might not know the "job" of a make-up artist is not solely about being an artist and applying makeup at all. We are also unofficial: clothing stylists, personal advisers, assistants, publicists, lighting experts, writers, producers, directors, editors, trusted confidants and above all therapists. One topic which arises almost every time I am working with a client is the subject of love and the current relationship issues we are all experiencing at that time. It's a conversation that goes on and on, month after month, year after year and one that us ladies NEVER tire of talking about. Fascinating, actually, to hear everyone's perspective on the issue. It seems that we are all in the same boat actually. No matter what each of our cultural, social and financial status' are, we all draw our ideas and experiences about love from the perspective of being a female, end of story.
One fine evening as I was working at my desk in NY, a wonderful artist friend of mine in San Fransisco, Western Bonime, shot me a link of a man who would be conducting a radio interview about love and said I MUST take a listen. Being that her suggestions have often tipped me off to new and hot concepts I was of course intrigued and clicked on right away. The show had just begun and there was a special guest that evening who had been patched through for the interview named Matthew Hussey from London, England. I listened to the entire interview and was blown away by the relationship concepts Matthew was bringing to the table. They were down to earth, easy to relate to and just plain resonated solid truth to me. Not to mention MH himself seemed to be a truly great person who genuinely cared about making a difference in people's lives and who seemed to me to have a heart of gold. Who in the world was this gem? I wanted more! Immediately I Googled, YouTubed, Facebooked, etc., to see what I could find.
To my amazement, an entire world of relationship/life coach Matthew Hussey unfolded. I kept thinking "Why hasn't everyone heard of this guy yet? He's an absolute star. A great looking everyman who profoundly speaks to the every woman about love? Genius actually." I was hooked. I began reading and listening to his lessons for days. Not but a week after this new discovery of mine, MH announced to the world that he had just finished writing his first booked called Get the Guy and would be making his U.S. book tour in the coming weeks. A few days after that he announced that he was also going to serve as a matchmaker on Eva Longoria's new NBC reality TV show called Ready for Love which was also going to launch at the same time as his book. Aha! I knew it. This guy was on his way indeed! I quickly signed up to see him speak live while he was on his NYC book tour, sat center front row to a packed room of 400 woman (who obviously shared my sentiment about the man) and just enjoyed the ride! He was brilliant, vibrant and left all of us feeling totally empowered! What a rush! After the seminar was over I asked him if he would grant me an interview, to which he replied graciously "my pleasure." We snapped a photo and voilà here we are!
I will end this opener with words my dear friend Aryn Quinn said over lunch today. To me it sums up the essence of why I believe I and so many others were drawn to MH to begin with:
"Human beings are social animals and nearly all of us are driven by the need to be loved and the desire to successfully sustain meaningful romantic relationships for life. Almost every person wonders who their soul mate will be or where they will find them and everyone has or will suffer a love loss or the fear of that loss at different points in their lives. In this new era of social media the rules of the road have changed significantly, yet the basic yearning for true connectivity and love have not."
Welcome, Matthew Hussey. You are a dynamic relationship enthusiast with a fresh and inspiring approach to finding, maintaining and being in love. So glad to have met you! Thank you for caring to make a difference in all of our lives.
Continued success to you and your family!
My interview with rising star Matthew Hussey, relationship coach for Eva Longoria's NBC reality TV show Ready for Love, New York Times bestselling author of Get the Guy and international love guru
"Dating can be really confusing," says optimistic Hussey onstage at his live event in NYC
NB: HOW DO YOU SUSTAIN HOURS OF ENERGY AND ENTHUSIASM DAY AFTER DAY ENABLING YOU TO CONTINUOUSLY GIVE 100% OF YOURSELF IN YOUR MESMERIZINGLY HIGH IMPACT SEMINARS?
MH: The most important thing to me about energy is mental, not physical. By that I mean to say, the easiest way I've found to create sustained enthusiasm is to be absolutely head-over-hells in love with what you do. Noel Coward once said that "Work is more fun than fun." That sounds like the words of a crazy workaholic, (which I've been accused of before!) but that quote says so much to me. When you're in love with the work, the energy comes more naturally. You want to wake up in the morning to write more material, or to go on stage and give every shred of emotion you have. Coming up with and creating my material, getting the buzz from speaking to audiences across the country, working on my delivery so that every point hits home powerfully -- these are all things that are challenging but give me a bigger high than anything else. Since my job is public speaking, and I'm the only guy in the room talking for hours on end, I've never believed it's good enough for me to go up there and give a passive lecture and bore everyone to tears. I like to draw a lot on comedians and entertainers, those people who are compelling and passionate and able to maintain presence and go away making people feel emotionally changed for the experience. So I pour every bit of emotion I have into my talks, and afterwards (the part you don't see) is when I go home and crash, or just see friends and enjoy being the quiet one for the rest of the evening.
NB: THE INTENSITY IN WHICH YOU TOUCH AND TRANSFORM PEOPLE'S LIVES WHEN YOU ARE ON STAGE IS IMMENSE. WHAT ARE SOME VITAL WAYS YOU NEED TO UNPLUG IN YOUR PRIVATE LIFE WHICH RECHARGE YOUR PERSONAL BATTERIES?
MH: I like to unwind in a fairly low-key way. I'm not someone who goes and gets drunk and does crazy stuff to blow off steam. For me, it's getting a huge pizza with my close friends or my brothers and watching a film. When I've finished my seminars, I've literally been hearing myself speak all day and have to be constantly in the moment, so my unwinding activities can seem quite unsociable. But that's only because my job is unbelievably sociable! Most people leave work at the end of the day so they can surround themselves with people and talk, but those are both things I do all day anyway! So I tend to seek out peace in my private time.
NB: WHAT TOUCHED ME RIGHT AWAY ABOUT YOUR MALE PERSPECTIVE ABOVE ALL OTHERS IN REGARDS TO ENLIGHTENING WOMAN INTO THE MALE MIND AND ADVISING THEM ON WHAT TO DO IN RELATIONSHIPS, IS THAT YOU SPEAK EARNESTLY AND STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART EVERY TIME. WHAT IS IT ABOUT HELPING PEOPLE THAT TOUCHES AND MOTIVATES YOU SO DEEPLY?
MH: I remember when I was a teenager and first discovered How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. As well as being extremely influenced by the book itself, I was blown away by this idea that someone had written practical advice that I could instantly apply to improve my own success and happiness. There is a lot of stigma and snobbiness about the self-help genre, and I can't vouch for everything out there, but for me, the idea of giving someone else the gift of inspiration and making them feel passionate and capable in an area of their life is the most incredible thing in the world. It's something we all strive to do in our social life -- when our friends and family struggle -- we try to console them and bring them around to a better place. We try to give advice and lead people (hopefully) into a happier existence. I know it sounds romantic put that way but it is romantic to me. The idea of empowering people and that moment when someone sees what they are capable of is just incredible to me. There's a quote from the movie Vanilla Sky: Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around. I love that, and in my seminars, I'm always trying to create that moment for people, when they just see things differently or when they have a huge "aha" moment about their relationships.
NB: EACH ONE OF YOUR SEMINARS IS ABOUT A 10 HOUR DAY AND JAM PACKED WITH LIFE CHANGING INFORMATION. HOW IN THE WORLD DO YOU REMEMBER ALL OF THIS INFORMATION ENABLING YOU TO SPEAK ENDLESSLY, IMPACTFULLY AND FLAWLESSLY THE WAY THAT YOU DO? WALK ME THROUGH YOUR DAILY PREPARATION.
MH: I used to be checking my notes in between breaks to remember my material, but now the stories and concepts are like second-nature to me. Remembering the material is something you have to small-chunk. A lot of my content has been built and refined over the last five years. It's kind of like a comedian really. Every 6 months you drop parts of your act you don't like anymore and add new material, so you always have parts that are fresh and then you have your "classic" stuff that everyone has heard about, but you get better and better at explaining it. Before a seminar now, I just have a list of nearly one word prompters, but as my team know, I can have a tendency once I'm on stage to start doing my own thing and go off on a tangent. As long as you have the discipline to remember the key points, you give yourself room to improvise. As for remembering it all, once you've told a story to enough people, it becomes like a jazz piece. You know the heart of it, but you can play with it and tell it in a slightly different way, as long as you understand the overall message. On the day before a seminar itself, sometimes I'll sit the team down and we'll write out on a big flip chart what everyone's favorite parts are. I love seeking feedback and my team are an amazing sounding board for ideas. But on the morning of the seminar day itself, I'll write a basic structure in my notes and that's about it!
NB: WHAT ARE SOME OF THE THINGS THAT MATTHEW HUSSEY THE MAN NOT THE MOTIVATOR LOVES DOING IN HIS DOWNTIME?
MH: Well I've told you one already: Eating pizza and watching an HBO series does wonders after a long weekend of seminars. Other than that, I've gotten into boxing over the last couple of years; it's refreshing to focus on something completely physical and just get your head into that training zone. I also enjoy just being out by the pool or a beautiful island in the sun. My mum loves Disney so I love taking her to Disney World after I finish my retreats in Florida.
NB: WHAT DOES AN IDEAL RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE TO YOU?
MH: I once talked on my blog about the seven words to describe an ideal relationship: Never stop trying to impress your partner. If you can both stay in that place, when you really want to show the best of yourselves to each other, relationships can become such a powerful team. I love the idea of relationships as being the ultimate team - someone you share everything with, who completely and utterly backs you, and whom you give to completely unselfishly. It's easier said than done, but we all need something to aspire to.
NB: IF YOU COULD ADVISE MEN ON ONE THING IN PARTICULAR WHICH MIGHT OPEN THEIR EYES TO MORE COMFORTABLY RELATING TO WOMAN AND POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMAN WHAT WOULD IT BE?
MH: Many men I come across see women in an antagonistic way, and it's always the basis for a bad relationship. What I mean by that is men who come with pre-conceived notions that women are trying to tie them down, or hold them back, or that women are shallow, or that women are only attracted to money, or whatever it is. The most important thing for men is to realise these for what they are: male fears and insecurities. The men who are the most attractive and well-adjusted people I know absolutely love women, and understand how to focus on what she needs, rather than on what he can get. Basically, men need to love women more.
NB: ONE MINDSET YOU WISH EVERY WOMAN WOULD START IMPLEMENTING INTO THEIR RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN?
MH: In terms of relationships, women often completely over-estimate the confidence of men, and forget about needing to feel validated. Men are often miserable in relationships because they feel their partner takes them for granted, or shows him no appreciation for the things he gets right. I'm always talking in my seminars about how important it is to make a man feel like a man. Let me give you an example: Most men are not used to being complimented on their looks. And yet, men absolutely crave sexual validation, especially from their partner. In a relationship, it's so important that a man knows how much you physically desire him. When he wears that shirt that makes him look sexy, tell him he's sexy! If he wears a cologne you like, say "I can't resist that smell on you". Seriously, women have no idea how much men need to hear this stuff, and in the relationship, sadly, it's often the first thing that gets lost.
NB: WHAT ARE YOU AIMING FOR YOUR LIFE TO LOOK LIKE 5 YEARS FROM NOW?
MH: It's funny, if you asked me five years ago I would have said I was aiming for the life I'm living now! That makes me sound like I've got it made, but the reality is far from that. There's so much more I'd like to do. I was talking to an editor friend about this the other day -- as soon as you achieve all of this crazy stuff it becomes normal scarily quickly, and before you know it you're looking for other challenges to shoot for. I'm not someone who likes having a master plan for everything, but I do believe in a vision for your life. 5 years from now I imagine I'll be doing what I'm doing now but with two major differences. First I'll have more people around me on my team taking the pressure off -- I'm still doing far too much on my own! Secondly I think I'll start investing in some passion projects just for fun. Maybe I'll own a hotel, or invest in properties in exotic parts of the world. Anything is possible.
NB: ONE THING PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU?
MH: I used to wet the bed! Only kidding, everyone knows that about me.
NB: YOU HAVE A PLETHORA OF "UNIQUE PAIRINGS" (AS YOU PHRASE IT) TO YOUR MAKEUP. CHARM, GOOD LOOKS, INTELLIGENCE, MOTIVATION, HEARTFELT SINCERITY, YOUR ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE CLEARLY AND HONESTLY YET STAY HUMBLE DESPITE ALL THAT LIFE HAS GIVEN YOU, DEEP AWARENESS OF PEOPLE'S NEEDS, EXPANSIVE WORLDLY VISION, COMPASSION, STRENGTH AND MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF HUMOR. THE LIST GOES ON ACTUALLY. YOU ARE TRULY AN ALL AROUND EXTRAORDINARY DUDE AND I AM CERTAIN THAT MOST VIEW YOU AS A MEGA CATCH. MY QUESTION IS, BECAUSE YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY THOUSANDS OF WOMAN EACH YEAR MOST OF WHICH MOST CERTAINLY HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER AND WHO PROBABLY WOULD LIKE TO MAKE YOU THEIRS, HOW DO YOU HANDLE ALL OF THIS ATTENTION AND MAINTAIN FOCUSED ON YOUR JOB AT HAND WITH OUT BECOMING A ROCK STAR WHEN THE DAY IS DONE?
MH: Going home to my family is always a huge reality check. Any moment they think I'm getting an ego about things, my brothers know immediately how to send me crashing down to earth. There's a lot of teasing and joking around in my family, and as much as my mum or aunt might get a kick out of seeing me on television, everyone knows not to take it too seriously and that it's all just one crazy ride. I get some female attention from fans, but mostly it's people asking for advice about a situation with their ex or their boyfriend, so it's not all love letters and fan mail!
NB: UNDENIABLY YOU ARE IN TIP TOP SHAPE. ANY HEALTH REGIMES YOU ARE CONSISTENT WITH THAT KEEP YOU LOOKING AND FEELING AS VITAL AS YOU DO?
MH: Like everything else I teach in my coaching, staying in shape for me is about the little actions and changes in lifestyle that have a huge effect over time. I've never done a trendy diet or subscribed to a fashionable health fad in my life. Exercise is an absolute must. Period. That doesn't mean I'm a gym junkie -- it just means that I have to get a few days doing something physical a week, even just for my mental sanity. When I was younger I played a crazy amount of sport -- squash, tennis, football (English football! "soccer" ), but these days with a hectic speaking schedule I'm rarely in the same place enough to stick to a sport. The one thing I can't get enough of is boxing. I love sparring in the ring or just doing the training, and it's easily one of the most effective ways of keeping off fat.
Matthew Hussey attentively coaches front row (left) at his NYC live event in a room packed with enthusiastic participants
What some participants said about MH's NYC live event:
"MH is able to reach people on a normal level. He's down to earth and everything he says makes sense. His advice is very practical." -Sharlene from Syracuse, NY
"Very logical stuff that everyone should know. No outlandish concepts that you can't apply into your daily life and don't work. He's so down to earth!" -Lia from Greece
"I loved it! He really knows what he talking about so you feel like you're getting the BEST advice possible and it's practical advice you can actually use. He's so down to earth which makes what he says easy to listen to." -Kerry from Massapequa, Long Island, NY
"He's really confident in what he does which kept my attention. There is true meaning to his words so its very relatable. He's also down to earth, shows his personal self and doesn't give average conventional advice I've heard before." -Shannon from Forest Hills Queens, NY
"Matthew is a genius whose magic needs to be shared with the world." - Actress Eva Longoria, originally Corpus Cristi, Texas now Hollywood, LA
"I was captivated by Hussey's online video's for sure, but seeing him convey his knowledge live and in person is transformative and empowering in a way I hadn't expected. His information makes complete sense and because he conveys it with terrific humor, warmth and conviction it drives the concepts in with out making you feel badly when you realize all the obvious relationship mistakes you have been making over and over again." - Nicole Bryl, Make-Up New York
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