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Me Too

Do you ever wish that, even though we're good friends - the IRL kind - and we've said all this before, you could say it all again because...well...because sometimes it needs to be said a million times and needs to be heard a million times? Yeah, me too.
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Do you ever get the feeling that we know each other even though we haven't met?

Do you ever wish we could skip all of the polite smiles at preschool drop-off, the quick hellos while we collect our kids from basketball practice, the just fine responses to the how are you questions?

Do you ever wish that, even though we're good friends - the IRL kind - and we've said all this before, you could say it all again because...well...because sometimes it needs to be said a million times and needs to be heard a million times?

Yeah, me too.

Do you ever feel like you're all alone on the Island of I-Don't-Know-What-the-Heck-I'm-Doing?

Do you ever feel like you're a half-step behind, like everyone else is in on some big secret about How to Do and Have It All, like they forgot to give you the big Parenting Handbook before you left the hospital?

Do you ever worry that you're f***ing it all up?

Yeah, me too.

Do you feel the electric current of rage pulsing through your veins with a power and urgency so loud that it scares you?

Do you ever cry yourself to sleep at night because your child is hurt or scared or in trouble and you didn't know how to help or couldn't help or thought that maybe this once you shouldn't help?

Do you think you might actually crumble under the weight of it all?

Yeah, me too.

Do you ever fantasize about your pre-kids life, with the late nights and lazy weekend mornings and the freedom to go to the bathroom by yourself?

Do you ever envy your friends without children, wishing you could trade places with them for just a minute or two?

Do you ever want to ditch your family to spend a night or two in a hotel by yourself, ordering room service, and binge-watching old Golden Girls episodes?

Yeah, me too.

Do you ever pretend you're asleep so that you don't have to deal with an early rising toddler?

Do you ever pretend that you don't know what happened to the good Halloween candy - the Reese's peanut butter cups and Kit-Kats - when you really hid them on the top shelf of the pantry so that you can keep them all to yourself?

Do you ever tell your kindergartener that his artwork went missing when by "went missing" you really mean "thrown in the recycling bin"?

Yeah, me too.

Do you ever wonder how it is possible to love your child so much, like your stepping off a cliff or slipping beyond the wild edges of logic and reason?

Do you ever wonder how you got so lucky that the universe or God or science or what-have-you chose you - you! -to be a parent to this beautiful little person?

Do you ever wish you could bottle up all their goodness and laughter and hopefulness?

Yeah, me too.

Do you ever give your kid the finger when he's not looking or mutter f*** you under your breath?

Do you ever question your ability adult, much less a parent?

Do ever wonder if parenting, adulting, all of it will ever get any easier?

Yeah, me too.

Do you ever wish we could stop all the advice-giving and judging, stop all the talk about sleep schedules and whether breast really is best, stop all comparisons and one-upmanship so that we could catch our breath for a minute?

Do you ever wish that we could all assume good intentions and carry on?

Do you ever wish you could say all the things that you really thinking without the fear that you'd be judged or criticized or shamed, and the response would simply be: You're not alone; it's not just you.

Yeah (...sigh...), me too.

Me too.

Christine Organ is the author of Open Boxes: the gifts of living a full and connected life, which is a collection of stories about the paradoxes of parenting and the fullness of life.