Scientists warn that media coverage of Republican presidential contender Donald Trump is creating a temporal loop that could potentially destroy the Earth. "The endless reporting of every jackass utterance from Mr. Trump is building what we call a 'serious-stupid temporal-political convolution'," says Dr. Sander Von Gelding from the Institute of Dimensional Studies and Sports Apparel (IDSSA). "Journalists, by deliberately giving Mr. Trump air time for each stupid thing he says and justifying it even though they believe he is not a serious candidate, build a continuous serious-stupid feedback which could threaten our political equilibrium, which is precariously stupid enough as it is."
Von Gelding went on to explain:
Let's say Mr. Trump holds a press conference in which he announces that, if elected President, he will build a giant laser to fire at Mars because it is sending rapists to Earth to probe us. Media analysts run that announcement, aware of its stupidity, while salivating over ratings it will bring, like the serious drooling dogs they are. Trump responds by insisting Mars will pay for the giant laser. Media analysts respond to Trump's stupid response, which converts the stupid energy of the original press conference into an equal amount of serious energy, since the media coverage now exists as proof of the original press conference's serious intent, stupid as it was. Jeb Bush, Marco Rubio, and other Republican candidates follow with their own seriously stupid responses. Soon, the level of serious stupidity increases exponentially until all reality is subsumed by stupidity, Trump has nothing more to say, or we all die, whichever comes first.
Following the IDSSA's warning, Donald Trump announced he will, indeed, build a giant laser to fire at Mars, claiming, "Ford Motor Company has plans to build a new plant on Mars and take away thousands of jobs on Earth. I'm the only candidate who won't let that happen." An apologetic Dr. Von Gelding responded, "Please disregard everything thing I said. Seriously."