So you thought introducing your boyfriend or girlfriend to your parents was hard in high school? Introducing your new partner to your kids might be even more nerve-racking. Dating after getting separated or divorced can be incredibly difficult, especially when children are involved in the mix. Not only do you have to consider whether or not you like this new person in your life, but you also have to consider how they’ll interact with your kids. Here are 5 things to consider when you’re planning to introduce your new partner to your kids.
- Base the Timing on the Needs of Your Kids
Consider waiting at least 6 months or so after dating your new significant other before introducing them to your kids. It may seem like the timing is right, but try to stick it out for a while just to make sure things are really serious with this person. Every situation is different, but it can take up to or longer than 6 months to truly get to know a person. Make sure you’re introducing them because it’s really time for your kids to meet them, not because of a need you might have to do so.
- Stick with a Group Setting
This can be a safe bet in most situations. The last thing you want to do to either your kids or your new partner is to put them in an (even more) uncomfortable situation. Let it be a casual experience so that both parties are as relaxed as possible and feel like they can be themselves. Try not to engage in any PDA during the first few meetings. The more casual things are, the less threatened your kids will feel.
- Don’t Expect Anything
Let things play out naturally. Don’t preface the meeting by telling your kids they need to be nice or like someone. Allow them to meet, hang out casually and spend some time together, and they’ll be able to form their own opinions as a relationship grows organically between them.
- Understand This Could Take Some Time
Now more than ever is the perfect time to take things slowly – not only for your own sake but also for that of your kids. Building trust and developing a relationship can take time, especially for kids who are slightly weary of the situation to begin with. It’s also important that they have a chance to grieve over the loss of your former relationship. Everything they’ve grown up with so far – life as they’ve known it – is changing. Give them time to cope and understand that though some things will change, everything will be okay.
According to Younce & Vtipil, compassionate and effective counseling is key when dealing with child custody or separation agreements. Your kids may have been through a lot already up until this point, so let them have a little time to settle in and gain trust for a new person in their lives.
- Reassure Them No One is Getting Replaced
Your kids may fear that your new partner is replacing their other parent. Reassure them that this is not the case. They will have still only have one of each of you, no matter what other relationships develop.