Logo of a REAL Joe-The-Plumber
So - like practically everything else John McCain has said over the past few years - since he sold his soul to the right-wing nut-base of the Republican Party in return for a grab at the brass ring of the White House - Joe-The-Plumber turns out to be a crock.
He's not a licensed plumber.
He not called Joe. He's Samuel. (With a middle name of Joseph)
His last tax return on file shows that he made a walloping $40,000 in 2006. A mere $210,000 shy of being in a tax bracket high enough to get a tax hike from an Obama presidency.
Judging by the Rush Limbaugh-style rant in his 15 frames-of-fame media op. in his front yard - he is a classic early 90s throwback - the "Angry White Man". He was discharged from the Air Force ("honorably" he claims) in 1995 and discharged from his marriage in 2006.
And he's got about as much chance of earning more than $250,000 a year as he has of growing any hair upon which he can apply copious amounts of Grecian 2000 - like his hero Ronald Reagan.
My advice to Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher? Cut your losses now. Trademark the name "Sam The Neanderthal Man" - and wait for Roger Ailes to give you your own show on Fox News.
So where does that leave all of those callow media types yearning for an everyman called Joe-The-Plumber?
As a service to lazy journalists everywhere - I offer them two REAL Joe-The-Plumbers.
First of all meet the man who got the iconic dot-com of "Joe The Plumber". Plumber Joe Francis of Amarillo, Texas - who registered his domain name a year ago in October 2007. This "Joe The Plumber" promotes himself with the distinctive side and rear visage that graces the top of this column.
Secondly - meet the bashful Plumber Jose "Joe" Villarreal - a plumber in Houston who first registered a "Joe The Plumber" domain name 5 years ago in March 2003 and then a second one a year later in March 2004. In each case he opted for lower profile domain levels - the dot-US and the dot-net domains. But I give this Joe big props for his cute logo (see below) - which offers an existential commentary on George W. Bush's presidency.
Logo of another real Joe-The-Plumber
But good luck to the frenzied press pack who may try to elicit the way that these two real Joe-The-Plumbers will vote.
Joe-The-Plumber of Amarillo - with stunning prescience - is on a previously-planned hunting trip and is not due to return home until Tuesday. His staff are trying to fend off the deluge of phone calls. Joe himself heard about the rise to prominence of his chosen name via a cell phone call.
And Joe-The-Plumber of Houston is simply too busy trying to deal with a massive draining problem.
Pretty much like the McCain campaign...