Recently my wife and I attended a dinner party with long-time friends of ours. As is often the case the conversation turned to our college-age children and what they were up to. It started off as casual and friendly banter but moved quickly into an exchange of fairly different opinions and principles of parenting. The ensuing conversation revealed stark differences in how parents view their responsibilities when preparing their children for college life and beyond.
All of our kids went to the same high school. Two are seniors at Ivy League schools and one graduated from a prestigious state university last year. Yet their prospects and outlook are starkly different. Our host's (couple A) daughter is a college senior and is just now starting to focus on finding a job post-graduation. She isn't really sure what she wants to do and currently has no prospects. Couple B's son graduated university last year and like so many others is still unemployed and looking for work. According to a recently released study by the Pew Research Center, only 54% of Americans between the ages of 18 and 24 have jobs, the lowest level in 60 years. Our daughter is also a college senior and has 2 firm offers for positions with attractive compensation plans. The conversation turned to why our kids' circumstances were so different and a parents' responsibility to help their children prepare for and find a job post-graduation.
It quickly became clear that both moms of A&B were adamant that their kids were "legally" adults and therefore needed to fend for themselves. They believed that once their kids entered college, their job as parents was done. They expected their kids to learn how to make it on their own in terms of career and work. The disturbing part to me was that they considered any further parental guidance as "meddling." In contrast, my wife and I have been very involved with our daughter as collaborators toward achieving her goals. We believe that in today's world parents need to be engaged with their children beyond their 18th birthday, not in a "helicopter" or micro-managing way but as their 'in-house' mentor providing counsel, ideas, networks and sharing strategies. What do you think -- mentoring or meddling?