Michael Johnston Allegedly Shoots Up Public Dock, Poops Pants

It's safe to say April 9 was a crappy day for Orlando resident Michael Johnston.

Not only was the 44-year-old arrested for allegedly shooting up a public dock, he admitted to pooping his pants while being questioned, according to a sheriff's report obtained by TCPalm.

Deputies from the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office say they got the straight poop from Johnston when they responded to a report of shots being fired near the Gifford Docks in Vero Beach around 9:20 p.m.

Investigators found Johnston, who they say admitted to drinking at least eight boozy beverages and firing shots at a glass bottle.

No one was injured in the incident.

Deputies noted about 20 shots were fired, and that the dock had sustained bullet holes and other damage. The report also mentions that he defecated in his pants while being questioned.

Johnson was arrested on charges including criminal mischief and using a firearm while under the influence of alcohol.

If "Virginia is for lovers", as their state tourism motto promises, then Florida is for poopers.

The sunshine state has more than its share of criminal crappers.

Last May, Sharee Barnes, 32, was arrested after allegedly threatening to "take a s--t" on someone else's lawn.

In December, Brenda Schumann, 51, discovered her husband in bed with another woman, and cops say she responded by defecating and urinating on the floor, before going on an armed rampage through the house.

"I found him in bed with a naked chick, what was I supposed to do?" she later asked a deputy, according to the sheriff's report.

But the most outrageous Florida pooper is probably Gregory Matthew Bruni.

In January, Bruni, 21, allegedly got naked, climbed onto the roof of a home and jumped down to attack one of the homeowners before running into the house to masturbate, poop in two different places on the floor and drink the contents of a spilled vacuum cleaner.