Michelle Obama Grants Barack Second Emergency Cigarette

"And not that vape junk. The real thing."

With the news of another senseless shooting of an unarmed black teenager by a police officer coming on the heels of members of the Democratic party helping to pass a law restricting Syrian refugees from escaping their war-torn country, random people blaming the president for the attacks in Paris, Turkey shooting down a Russian warplane (possibly inciting another war that the president will be called "weak" for not addressing fast enough) and having to wait until April to see new episodes of "Game of Thrones," Michelle Obama took it upon herself to address President Barack Obama in the Oval Office today, telling him that he's welcome to have a promise-breaking second emergency cigarette. 

After many pointed questions from Barack to Michelle about whether this was "another one of your tests or something" Michelle confirmed that this was legit and that Barack could smoke guilt-free. 

President Obama's first emergency cigarette was used after the President was briefed about the senseless shooting of an unarmed black teenager by a police officer leading to chaos in Ferguson, Missouri, while he was mulling over his decision to order airstrikes against ISIS, pounding the table trying to think of a way to calm the nation's terror of a deadly Ebola outbreak at the same time he was struggling with the knowledge that his hair was turning more than 50 percent gray.

Said the President, while holding smoke in his lungs, "All these things demand my immediate attention. But right now?" He exhaled. "It's Marlboro time."

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