ENTERTAINMENT

Esquire Asks If Miles Teller Is A 'Dick'

Spoiler alert: they got their answer

There are those who will try to tell you that Gay Talese's "Frank Sinatra Has a Cold," which was published in Esquire in April 1966, is the greatest celebrity profile ever written

Esquire still holds the title as the publisher of the best celebrity profile, now it just belongs to Anna Peele and her  brutally honest assessment of  "Fantastic Four" star Miles Teller, in her unflinching quest to find out if he's a "dick." 

We're pretty sure she got her answer, and this is what she (and the rest of us) discovered from her interview with the 28-year-old actor who you may have seen in "Whiplash," "The Spectacular Now" and "Divergent."

 The highball glass, he quips, was modeled after his penis:

You've just told him, by way of making conversation, that according to legend the champagne coupe in your hand is shaped like Marie Antoinette's left breast, and he tells you the highball glass is modeled after his cock. Then he tells the waitress the same thing. 

 He believes he's probably better looking that the public thinks he is:

[Y]ou ask him about his hair. He's brought up how nice it is in more than one interview. It's a little defensive, like maybe he's making up for not being the best-looking, or sometimes even the third-best-looking, guy in any given movie he's in. "I was thinking about that today, how I probably think I'm better-looking than the public thinks I am," he says with a laugh, like it's funny that he's willed himself into a higher tier of male beauty through limitless confidence. "I was in one of these forums about a film I did, and it's like, 'This dude is so ugly! How does he get fucking parts?' 'Well, he's not, like, traditionally handsome, but . . .' And that's kind of what it is. Maybe it's because I came from a small town, but I always did well for myself."

His girlfriend, Keleigh Sperry, has his initials tattooed on her butt. 

[H]e dates a twenty-two-year-old model/aspiring swimsuit designer/professional girlfriend who thinks Teller is attractive enough to have permanently monogrammed her perfect ass with his initials. 

He calls Joaquin Phoenix -- who he's never met, but shares the same rep -- Joaq. 

"But if I'm really homing in on the dramatic performance right now, it's probably Christian Bale or it's Joaq."

Oh, for fuck's sake. Joaq?

"I just said Joaq. Joaquin Phoenix. I don't know him, but my publicist has repped him since he was, like, seventeen. She repped River, too. So I just hear his name."

But he's not above asking a journalist to cut food up for him, when it's really tough. 

The waitress delivers the entrées, scallops for him and pork belly for you. The pork looks great and you offer him some. "I'll take a little bit," he says, sawing at it. Then: "I can't cut this." You have to cut his meat for him, a man who ten minutes earlier showed you an iPhone photo of his back muscles to prove how strong he is. He wants you to cut it small. "I don't have back teeth. I literally have four teeth." Not true. He's right, though, this pork belly is really hard to cut. But still.  

Peele and Teller ended their interview with a hug and she wrote that the actor  "goes off to contribute to the cache or catalog or canon or whatever the fuck you call it and charm the world with his dickishness"

Miles Teller disagreed with her assesment:

 

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