Millions Of Tiny Feet!

Janis (jumping off couch): AH! ARGH! ACK! HELP! HELP! PAT, QUICKLY QUICKLY QUICKLY HELP HELP HELP ACK ACK ACK!!!

Pat (looking up from her iPad): What is it, honey?

Janis (jumping up): THE BUG THINGIE MANY FEET POISONOUS BARBS ATTACKING ME COUCH ARM LOOK LOOK LOOK!

Pat (calmly rising): Wow. That's salmon colored! I've never seen one salmon colored!

Janis (hysterically jumping up and down, scaring bug into oblivion): MY FEET MY FEET SHARP POISONOUS BARBS IN MY FEET DON'T LET IT GET AWAY HELP HELP HELP!!!

Pat (watching bug scuttle from couch arm down side of couch to floor): Honey, you scared it! Poor little thing.

Janis (still hopping): MY FEET! MY FEET! POISONOUS BARBS ABOUT TO BE IN MY FEET!

Pat: Honey. Calm down. (Lifts one of Janis' slippers.) It probably didn't go into your slippers. Here, I'll check.

Janis (momentarily stunned): In my... in my... what? WHAT?! In my SLIPPERS?!?! Poisonous barbs in my SLIPPERS?!?!

Pat: It's just a bug, honey.... I've never seen a salmon colored one.

Janis: Was not salmon colored. Was white. White white white. Millions of legs. MILLIONS.

Pat (holding up Gracie Mae's small red blanket to fold): It was salmon colored.

Janis: Was NOT salmon colored. Was a reflection of that red blanket you are holding!!! Millions of feet! MILLIONS.

Pat (inspecting slippers): It's probably under the couch by now. You scared it! Shame on you!!

Janis: In my SLIPPERS ?!?! What is WRONG with you?! Get sprays, Pat! Get insecticides! Drive to drugstore RIGHT NOW. Buy Malathion!!! Buy EVERYTHING!!!

Pat: It is not going to hurt you. Janis: Millions of tiny feet! Poisonous barbs... You fix, Pat. Fix now!!

Pat: There were no poisonous barbs, for God's sake. it was trying to run away from you. It was terrified.

Janis (wonderingly): Why would anything on earth run away from me?

Pat: Perhaps because you were hopping up and down screaming?

Janis: I was NOT.

Pat: You were TOO.

Janis: I was NOT.

Pat: You were TOO.

Janis: Uh oh.

Pat (looking up): Oh, no.

Janis: Poisonous barbs...

Pat: Never saw one that color...

Meanwhile, Gracie Mae, their Portuguese Water Dog, is looking somewhat cross-eyed while staring at the bug sitting on her nose.

Janis (afraid to move): Um... Gracie Mae! Want a treat?

Pat (afraid to move): That's a good girl! Want a treat?

Gracie Mae puts out a long, exploratory tongue. Finding the bug to her liking, she pulls it off her nose and into her mouth.

Pat: Never saw a salmon colored one before...

Janis: Possible extinction of entire species...

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