Mirror Mirror Not So Kind To Snow White These Days


"Mirrors are like Shakira's hips -- we don't lie," Mirror Mirror said. "It's nothing personal. Princesses become queens. Queens become old queens. 'Circle of life' and all that shit. Death is the only way to escape it."

Snow White was asked if she was resentful about these developments, "It's not Mirror Mirror's fault, but I admit I am bitter. Society expects me to be the fairest forever, but I'll be lambasted if I have noticeable work done. I have to naturally look young forever -- an impossible fairy tale."

"At least you don't look for constant validation like the Queen did," Mirror Mirror offered. "Every other minute she was all like, 'Who's the fairest? Who's the fairest?' It was exhausting."

"Sure, but I don't feel any less insecure," Snow White replied. "I woke up one day and suddenly I didn't have seven men, short or otherwise, hanging on my every word and catering to my every whim. I didn't realize how much I let that feed into my self-definition. Clearly I have some work to do on 'me.' "

"I'm transitioning into the desexualized matron role as Fairy Godmother did," she continued. "I am not the fairest of them all anymore. I need to find peace with that... or a really kick-ass plastic surgeon -- whatever comes first."

Image: Jennie Harbour, from My Book of Favourite Fairy Tales by Edric Vredenburg. Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons and The Gutenberg Project.