It surprises me how today, in 2017, there are still so many misconceptions tossed around about the bisexual community, specifically dating a bisexual person. I am a bisexual female who’s currently dating a male, and it’s my boyfriend’s first time dating someone who is bisexual. Together, he and I have busted some myths about dating a bisexual person.
The most prominent myth is the fact that bisexual people are hard to date because there is “more competition.” The fact that this is a widely held belief is saddening because it shows the mistrust people have for bisexual people simply because they’re bisexual.
Being bisexual has nothing to do with being unfaithful. Say, just because I see a beautiful woman at a bar doesn’t mean that I’m going to ditch my boyfriend to hit on her. Or, just because my best friend is a female doesn’t mean my boyfriend has reason for worry when I hang out with her alone.
To assume, just because someone is bisexual, that they’ll automatically be interested in anyone and everyone, including yourself, is not only narcissistic, but it’s harmful to the bisexual community. This kind of thinking hyper-sexualizes a sexual orientation by assuming that a person must be attracted to the entirety of whichever gender they’re attracted to.
This is why you’ll hear dude-bros say, “I can’t hang out with that gay guy, he might make a move on me.”
In short, attraction and infidelity are not the assumed uncontrollable urges for those with sexualities other than heterosexual. I experience attraction to male and female genders, but when I’m with a person, they’re the only one on my romantic radar.
Another difficult aspect of the hyper-sexualization of bisexual people is the threesome effect. I make a point of avoiding the subject of my sexuality around other couples because the moment that I reveal that I’m bisexual, the next words I usually hear are, “Would you ever have a threesome with us?”
Again, just because I experience attraction to both men and women does not mean that I want to have sex with both of them at once, and to assume that I'd want to have sex with either person in the couple is again, narcissistic. To presume that because I’m bisexual that I automatically am attracted to you and your partner is ridiculous. I know this sounds like a no-brainer, but for some reason I’ve had to field this question way too many times.
Luckily, my boyfriend and I have an amazingly trusting relationship, and he’s never been nervous about me hanging out with other people alone or been worried that I’d be hard to keep around because of my sexuality. And to my fellow bisexuals out there, if your partner is suspicious of you simply because of your sexuality, they are not worth your time.
Sexuality does not determine fidelity; fidelity is a choice.
By Cassidy Camp, Florida State University