Here are the top 5 mistakes wives make:
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There aren't any! That's right... wives don't make mistakes.
Anything that goes wrong in a marriage is clearly the fault of the husband!
Just kidding.
As Communication Consultants, my husband and I work with couples all the time, and we see a few mistakes made by wives over and over again. These are not true of all wives, of course, but they are the most common ones we see (for the corresponding article about mistakes husbands make, click here).
Lack of Communication
Many times, wives think they're communicating just fine, but when we dig down deeper we find bitterness, resentment, grudges, and unexpressed issues. A wife will tell us a whole litany of things that are going wrong in her marriage, but when we ask if she's talked to her husband about it, she looks like a deer in the headlights. Sometimes she's talked so much about the issue with everyone except her husband she doesn't even realize she hasn't talked to him.
Ladies, we absolutely have to get good at talking to our husbands.
When an issue arises, we need to be lovingly honest and tell him.
If he doesn't hear it the first time, tell him again. And again. And again, until he hears it, understands it, and acts on it. Do not stop communicating.
I'm not talking about nagging him. Nagging is not an effective form of communication. The sound of nagging is like nails on a chalkboard. Instead, sit down with your husband without distractions, and be direct about whatever the issue is. Be kind, respectful, and polite, but be honest and direct.
Afterward, show grace and let it go.
Lack of Respect
Men need respect, even in the middle of a time when they have screwed up big time. In fact, that's probably a time when they need it most. In those instances, your husband is probably already doubting himself and needs to be built up. Men need respect like women need unconditional love. If you don't believe me, there's a whole book about it called Love and Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. All couples should read that book.
Nothing good gets accomplished when wives treat their husbands with disrespect.
Screaming at him, embarrassing him in public, telling his secrets, scolding him, treating him like a child, or questioning his abilities all show disrespect. None of those things will make your marriage better and could tear it apart instead.
Your husband probably married you because of the way you made him feel about himself. Back when you were just dating, you probably made him feel like the king of your life. He relies so much on you for his self-worth, so be gentle and respectful.
Your words are powerful. Use them wisely.
Lack of Interest
Many wives get so busy with children or with their careers that their marriage gets put on the backburner. Obviously, this isn't just the fault of the wife, and husbands can be just as guilty, but it's definitely an issue we see in couples we've worked with. Most times, it's not intentional.
Let's face it, ladies... we're busy.
We're busy driving kids around. We're busy paying bills. We're busy writing books and baking cakes and doing laundry. We're busy with work and with church and with volunteering. By the end of the day, we're completely exhausted.
If we aren't careful, our busy-ness can translate into lack of interest in our husbands.
Husbands and wives alike need to make their marriage a priority. Your marriage is important, so you need to intentionally make time for it.
Schedule a date night or a weekend getaway. Go for lunch together on a weekday. Fill a thermos with coffee, go for a drive, and have a coffee break with some beautiful scenery. Show your spouse you care by spending time together.
Time = Love.
Turn it Around
If any of these issues resonate with you, turn it around. Identify the areas in your marriage that need improvement, discuss them honestly with your spouse, and then make the necessary corrections. It's never too late to make your marriage everything you want it to be.
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My husband, Ryan, wrote the corresponding article, 10 Mistakes Husbands Make.
This article first appeared on He says, She says.